有長期留意本網誌的讀者，都會發現筆者一直支持和實踐一些非主流或非西醫建議的育嬰/親子方式。
例如在家生育、較長期的母乳餵哺、親子共眠、不接受Crying it out 或類似的嬰兒睡眠訓練、嬰兒主導戒奶、讓嬰兒自行進食、不用嬰兒車、Babywearing、不用學行車、有病自家護理或看中醫、嬰兒不看電視/ 不用電視機湊仔、家中養貓、讓學前小孩入廚房觀察和幫手.....
上面的大部份題目，我已有專文介紹，其他的稍後會陸續補上。
不過有一點，必須聲明。
在實踐任何另類育嬰/親子方式前，我必會先翻閱有關的文獻，確保以最安全/最促進小朋友利益的方式進行。
我是家中的安全隊長，所以，我支持的，是「安全的」在家生育、「安全的」親子共眠、「安全的」讓嬰兒自行進食、「安全的」家中養貓和「安全的」讓學前小孩入廚房觀察和幫手等.....
孩子的安全，我是絕不妥協的。
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
2012-02-15
2009-12-08
A New Beginning
I thought I would not write this blog again.
When DW had returned from her business trip, I thought everything would go smooth then.
But since then, DS just screamed whenever her mom was going out to work, or had gone to the toilet for a few minutes.
At first, I thought I could readily redirect his anxious feelings, like what I had successfully done previously.
But this time, I found that I was losing my patience and tolerance.
That evening, DW after work went to the washroom for a quick shower. DS screamed the fourth time on the same day.
I could feel the muscles in my neck tighten, my ears burning, my voice trembling.
I lost it. I started to scream too and shout at him.
I continued to yell for a whole week, whenever and wherever DS was crying, whether it was 9:00 am in the middle morning, 2:30 pm in the afternoon, 8:00 pm in the evening, or 3:00 am in the early morning.
When DS had finally gone tired and slept, sometimes I sat down and wanted to cry.
I felt embarrassed, frustrated and guilty.
I had promised myself I would be a "different" kind of father: "I was supposed to stay 'cool', at all times". What had I done?
I failed to realize that, I was denying myself.
I forgot that the driving force behind my achievement motivations, the force that has constituted the enthusiastic and committed person (IMHO) I am, is my equally-strong passions.
I would not be able to teach my son to understand and live comfortably with the richness and deepness of his emotional life when he has grown up, if I had let my own intensity take control of myself.
So before I could help DS manage the power of his spirits, I have to manage mine first. This means I have to be aware of my reactions, feel comfortable with them, be accepting, non-judgemental and forgiving and learn to let go.
And sometimes, I need to stop and take a deep breath, even step away for a while, and examine my self-talks before these moral imperatives (shoulds) turn to destructive self-fulfilling prophecies.
Then one month has passed. I have not shouted again, perhaps only once. DS is still an lovely vivid expressive child, but he has also become more cooperative when his father has learned to attentively listen to the feelings of both and made appropriate responses, though not every time.
We have just lived the happiest month.
I am delighted to report that I think I have really made a difference this time, though there is still a long way for me to learn.
So this blog continues....
When DW had returned from her business trip, I thought everything would go smooth then.
But since then, DS just screamed whenever her mom was going out to work, or had gone to the toilet for a few minutes.
At first, I thought I could readily redirect his anxious feelings, like what I had successfully done previously.
But this time, I found that I was losing my patience and tolerance.
That evening, DW after work went to the washroom for a quick shower. DS screamed the fourth time on the same day.
I could feel the muscles in my neck tighten, my ears burning, my voice trembling.
I lost it. I started to scream too and shout at him.
I continued to yell for a whole week, whenever and wherever DS was crying, whether it was 9:00 am in the middle morning, 2:30 pm in the afternoon, 8:00 pm in the evening, or 3:00 am in the early morning.
When DS had finally gone tired and slept, sometimes I sat down and wanted to cry.
I felt embarrassed, frustrated and guilty.
I had promised myself I would be a "different" kind of father: "I was supposed to stay 'cool', at all times". What had I done?
I failed to realize that, I was denying myself.
I forgot that the driving force behind my achievement motivations, the force that has constituted the enthusiastic and committed person (IMHO) I am, is my equally-strong passions.
I would not be able to teach my son to understand and live comfortably with the richness and deepness of his emotional life when he has grown up, if I had let my own intensity take control of myself.
So before I could help DS manage the power of his spirits, I have to manage mine first. This means I have to be aware of my reactions, feel comfortable with them, be accepting, non-judgemental and forgiving and learn to let go.
And sometimes, I need to stop and take a deep breath, even step away for a while, and examine my self-talks before these moral imperatives (shoulds) turn to destructive self-fulfilling prophecies.
Then one month has passed. I have not shouted again, perhaps only once. DS is still an lovely vivid expressive child, but he has also become more cooperative when his father has learned to attentively listen to the feelings of both and made appropriate responses, though not every time.
We have just lived the happiest month.
I am delighted to report that I think I have really made a difference this time, though there is still a long way for me to learn.
So this blog continues....
2009-08-22
On Soy Milk
This morning breakfast DS played with his cup of soy milk again and half of the content was poured on the floor. At first I was a bit angry (well, after eleven months of baby-led weaning I expect him to have some table manners), but immediately I thought of a good way to handle the situation.
Because I wanted him to know the intrinsic value of maintaining a clean floor without blaming him, when I unfastened him from the high chair, I told him that why pouring the milk on the floor was wrong and asked him to wipe the dirt with a cloth, WITH me. As expected, DS was willing to comply, and we made a good wash. DS didn't want to stop wiping!
Yes, my method might be considered a mild consequence from a "discipline" model, but it was also a meaningful activity which was appreciated, done and shared by us together. By reminding myself that we should always be on the same side, hopefully I can determine the real priorities in our shared lives, and can avoid the problem of punishments and/or external rewards which both necessitate a top-down pushing/ coaxing/ coercive approach that is always distrustful of a child's own abilities and motivations.
Because I wanted him to know the intrinsic value of maintaining a clean floor without blaming him, when I unfastened him from the high chair, I told him that why pouring the milk on the floor was wrong and asked him to wipe the dirt with a cloth, WITH me. As expected, DS was willing to comply, and we made a good wash. DS didn't want to stop wiping!
Yes, my method might be considered a mild consequence from a "discipline" model, but it was also a meaningful activity which was appreciated, done and shared by us together. By reminding myself that we should always be on the same side, hopefully I can determine the real priorities in our shared lives, and can avoid the problem of punishments and/or external rewards which both necessitate a top-down pushing/ coaxing/ coercive approach that is always distrustful of a child's own abilities and motivations.
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