DD's first month

1. DW has been breastfeeding so well that the baby redeemed her birth weight in a week and her jaundice went away without any need to follow up medically! This surprised doctors and nurses in the Public Maternal and Child Health Centre a lot because they had insisted us to send the baby to the hospital for phototherapy (this would result in mother-baby seperaton - this is another example showing that professionals in HK are not supportive of breastfeeding ( see Jack Newman, M.D., and Teresa Pitman [2006], The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers.NY: Three Rivers Press.)

2. When the baby's jaundice was still worrying DS suddenly developed a high fever and we were hesitated whether to send him to the private hospital (it was on the weekend). Then we made a wise decision - bringing him to a good Chinese doctor. DS completely recovered after only two days (he can drink Chinese herbs better than many adults). Unlike many children of his age, he still hasn't "tasted" any antibiotics since birth. I hope he never has to suffer the side-effects of antibiotics!

3. Compared to DS, DD is a very good sleeper - she can sleep on my arms without my moving them. And no wake up even putting on the bed then. Because DS has taught us too much :-) how to deal with sleep problems of babies, taking care of DD is (a little bit) easier than we expected - at least during these few weeks - though I hope DW can have a few hours personal time every week later - she is attending to the baby almost 21.5 hours a day (the other 2.5 hours are for DS).

4. DS adjusts very well - we can't demand him more! He has begun to exhibit very loving and caring behaviors to his sister. We have taken some interesting pictures showing the interactons between the two. Hope each day has 26 hours so I can upload them asap!

Homebirth

DW laboured at home on Saturday and gave birth to our beautiful daughter! Thank you, Dear Wife!

(The baby was delivered by a professional homebirth midwife ... though I helped make the bed, sterilize the clips, scissors and other tools, and cut the umbilical cord myself :-))

Seperation anxiety

DW has gone abroad for a business trip for a few days. She was rather worried that I would be over-exhausted looking after this anxious child 24 hours a day. (Long-term readers of this blog may recall that I described DS as a high-need spirited child who woke up very frequently at night.)

Well, so far, so good. For the first three nights, DS waked up the first time only at around 4:00am, and again at around 6:00am, demanding for breast nursing, though doing it much more intensely at the second awakening. I could handle them. "Perhaps I can make use of the chance to nightwean him altogether", I thought.

The real challenge came last evening. After dinner, I left DS to my mom and elder brother (who came to help on that day) for just 20 mins, and went out to restock kitchen stuff for use in the coming week. When I returned, I was shocked to know that DS had cried hysterically during those 20 mins - perhaps he thought I had also gone abroad.

How poor, he did not stop crying even after the warm bath, did not want to go to sleep, only wanted me to hug him very tightly, as if I had to swear that I would never leave him again....

At last, I nestle him down, and told him a story: how SS (our 12.5-year-old cat) joined this family. When I finished, he had already fallen asleep, and slept a 6-hour stretch before first awakening.

I had never thought I could be a story-teller, but that was the best story I had ever told.

Baby親子雜誌 第189期 對我的訪問原文

1. 你現在有多少個孩子，孩子有多大呢？

我們有一個16個月大的孩子。

2. 是從第一個孩子就開始實行母乳餵哺嗎？餵了多久？

是的。我們參考世界衛生組織的指引，頭六個月以純母乳餵哺孩子，由第七個月開始成功引進固體食物，現在孩子每天大約吃七餐：三餐固體食物 + 約四餐母乳。我們希望讓母乳餵哺能持續至最少兩歲。

3. 你和你太太的家人是否支持她餵哺母乳呢？

我們的家人口頭上都支持我太太餵哺母乳，不過他們由於對母乳餵哺的認識不深，往往會把對奶粉/奶瓶餵養的有限認識套用在母乳餵哺上，有時會對我們造成壓力。例如孩子初生時，他的胃只有他的拳頭仔般大小，但母乳很易消化，孩子每一、兩小時便要餵一次，我們聽了多次「是否媽媽奶水不夠，BB肚餓，要不要補奶粉?」之類的疑問。就算是現在，太太餵了孩子十多個月，而孩子的體重發展一直甚佳 (與同月份出生的嬰兒比較，曾經達97個百分位數(Percentile)呢！)，還是有人會武斷地說：「孩子晚上睡得不好，一定是不夠飽的緣故。」

4. 你和你的太太都是從一開始就決定以母乳餵哺BB嗎？懷孕的時候有沒有商量過照顧孩子和餵哺母乳的事呢？

對，我們以前曾閱讀過許多文章，認為配方奶粉容易令BB敏感 (而太太的弟弟小時又的確對奶粉嚴重敏感，故我們可能有家族敏感史)，而母乳是對BB健康的最大保障，故此在懷孕時我們已經下定決心以母乳餵哺BB。由於我本身曾經從事勞工政策研究工作多年，對「香港的職場是否促進母乳餵哺」有一定的了解，加上我們的親友幾乎沒有人有母乳餵哺的經驗，我們已有心理準備需要兩人互相依賴、並肩作戰。為了能成功餵哺母乳和照顧孩子，我們做了一些預備。

當時的我既有一份受薪工作，又正在唸一個學位，我擔心沒有時間參與育兒的工作。由於太太在非政府機構從事一份對她職志有發展機會的工作，我決定辭去原先的工作，準備BB出生後日間在家照顧孩子和晚上繼續寫研究論文。此外，我們原本住在新界東，但太太的工作地點卻在港島東，為了讓回到職場的母親下班後與嬰兒有多些相聚時間，我們賣了原先的小房子，並在太太的工作地點附近租了一個單位居住 ，這些在太太產前已經準備好。


5. 你太太餵母乳的過程順利嗎？中間有沒有遇到什麼挫折或者困難？

挫折的來源有幾方面，首先親友對母乳餵哺的認識很少 ，他們的言語往往無意中加大太太的壓力(如前述)，令太太更加懷疑自己的能力。而太太和很多香港人一樣，自小腦海裡對餵養嬰兒的印象便是奶粉/奶瓶餵養，產後仍在醫院時又沒有有經驗或受過訓練的人士在現場指導正確的「埋身」餵哺姿勢和嬰兒吸吮技巧 (latch-on)。

在沒有人指導的情況下，太太在技巧方面也自行摸索了個大概。雖然我在互聯網上找了不少相關文章和影像給太太看，但有些精髓單憑閱讀始終很難掌握。在孩子兩個月大時，太太的乳頭因經常與他的口腔摩擦而破損，每次餵哺都叫她痛楚難當，我鼓勵她去諮詢一些授乳顧問，結果立即改良她的一些姿勢，使嬰兒有正確的吸吮，乳頭不再痛楚，並使她的信心大增。我們從此明白到坊間說法以為「哺乳必然是痛的」的謬誤。

6. 你如何幫助太太持續母乳餵哺呢？
當太太放產假時，我便高度投入育兒的工作，包括料理家務、參與育兒 (例如沖涼、換片、哄BB睡覺)等工作，讓太太可專心餵哺。我希望為太太營造一個方便餵乳的環境。我常常鼓勵太太依照母親的直覺把孩子帶在身邊 (包括外出)，孩子有需要時便可立即授乳 (若太太有需要獨自外出，例如剪髮，則由我稍後把孩子揹出街與太太會合)。由於孩子天生是位反應激烈的性情兒，晚上曾睡得很差 (最壞時每半小時或一小時醒來一次)，兩個月大時我便索性把嬰兒床拆掉，把雙人床加上腳踏橫放改成一張闊六呎的安全大床，鼓勵太太實行親子共眠，孩子半夜醒來母親無須起身便可躺著授乳，兩人未完全醒來便可再度快速入睡，結果大家的睡眠質素都有顯著改善，晚上我們更從來未曾「補過奶粉」。

太太放完產假後，本來打算每天把母乳泵出來放入雪柜冷藏或冷凍，讓我在家以奶瓶餵給BB，但我嘗試了整個月和多個牌子的奶咀，BB也對奶咀有強烈的抗拒 (他卻較接受用杯餵)。幸好我們住得近太太的工作地點(快步行約十分鐘)，結果不是太太在午飯時間回家，就是由我用揹帶揹起BB到太太的工作地點讓她直接授乳 (她的辦公室在港島東區，但若她需要到西區甚至九龍區開會，我也會把BB揹到她的面前)。這樣維持了差不多一年 ，每天下午我也先在公園裡哄依偎在我胸口上的孩子小睡一會，孩子醒來時張開眼睛便馬上見到媽媽，直到BB超過一歲，進食固體食物顯著增加，我才減少了揹他去吃奶的次數。

7. 在餵哺這方面，你覺得丈夫能幫到太太的地方多嗎？有那些方面可以幫到？

我覺得就算不是全職爸爸，仍可以在很多地方幫到太太餵哺母乳。首先要了解妻子產後疲累和賀爾蒙的改變，對自己的「興趣」可能比以前冷淡。其次丈夫不要給太太太多的餵哺壓力 ，反而應該常常為妻子打氣，及聆聽她的困難和擔憂。遇到有些親友不體諒或無知的評語，丈夫應該勇於為妻子擋駕 。當然，若丈夫能於下班後參與育兒的工作 (若在假期，最好還包括夜半育兒，讓妻子終於可睡個好覺)和主動分擔家務，這些實質幫忙對你的太太是十分重要的，這些關心的行為只會使你在她眼中變得愈來愈性感 :-)。

若爸爸能參與育兒工作、發揮他的父愛，他就能培養對弱小生命的敏感度，使他的人格發展更健全。

有一件事丈夫要緊記，就是降低對家居整潔的要求！產後的時間，妻子的責任是康復和學好照顧寶寶。如前所述，家務最好由你親自動手或主動分擔，或安排一些清潔工作在遲一點進行，當然若真的沒有時間，應該考慮僱用家傭或家務助理。

8. 你認為能幫助太太成功餵哺母乳，對你自己和你的家庭有什麼好處？
若太太能成功餵哺母乳，其實是有很多好處的。首先當然是昂貴的奶粉支出大幅減少！其次，母乳餵哺對寶寶的健康較有保障，與奶粉餵養比較，嬰兒的敏感病、濕疹等機會減少 (又無需擔憂「三聚氰氨」等毒害和污染問題)，母乳內的抗體使寶寶較不易生病，這樣家庭的醫療開支和雙親因請假而少收的工作收入亦減少。當然，爸爸、媽媽和嬰兒三者間更親密的關係，不是用金錢可以量度的。

Franklen

DS was on the radio!

DW and I (shamefacedly) talked about parenting on RTHK Radio 2. The topics covered included: breastfeeding, babywearing, baby-led weaning, continuum parenting and social participation, discipline, etc. The program was broadcast on 26th 8:00pm: http://www.rthk.org.hk/rthk/radio2/89/20090626.html

La Leche League newsletter

After my photo of DW's breastfeeding lying down became the cover picture of La Leche League Asia Newsletter (Vol.9 No.2 2008), I am so glad to know that my article "From Breastfeeding to Baby-led Weaning" will also be published in an coming issue of LLL Chinese newsletter. I hope I can make more contribution to the breastfeeding movement!

Ideas for Sleep

DS is a very intense and sensitive baby and could wake up every 30 minutes at night at worst. He has been a very challenging baby since birth. If on one particular night he can sleep 2 ~2.5 hour stretches we consider that night a victory. STTN to us is a myth.

If your lo wakes frequently at night recently, may I ask you the following questions?


1. Did your lo sleep "better" before? I ask this because frequent night-wakings of a previous "better" sleeper is often due to medical/physical causes (e.g. sickness like infections, food allergies, indigestion, etc. - assuming the physical and social environment is unchanged). Tense babies can't sleep.

In another forum, a mother who initially had attributed frequent night-wakings of her daugther to sole psychological causes (which may lead to the bad conclusion that the baby is "manipulating") later found that she actually was suffering from serious double ear-infections.


2. I always reassure DW that night-time parenting should be a teamwork, and fathering down is an important skill/resource to develop, and to prevent her from burning-out.

Your DH may not be able to make your lo asleep, but perhaps he can make him sleepy before bringing him to you? and you may take a short rest (say 1 hour - an adult's sleep cycle; I know it's short, but it's like a sip of water in desert) when your DH is comforting him. This has been one of our survival techniques when the situation was seemingly unbearable.

He first may better practise this the night before the weekend as he will have a holiday the following day?

If your DH succeeds to comfort him, you have developed a variety of sleep associations for your DS besides nursing him to sleep (though nursing to sleep is one of the world's beautiful great thing to do unless you are exhausted) - in our case, they are DW's patting DS's back instead of nursing, and my wearing DS down to bed using a sling.


3. Can you nap with your lo? Your lo still needs 2 or 3 naps everyday right? Since I am a poor sleeper at night, I always look forward to napping together with DS (while lowering our standards of household tidiness and outsourcing as many tasks as we can). (If you must rock/swing him to nap and cannot put him down I can share a little bit how to deal with this)


4. What is your current sleeping arrangment? For us the core problem is the proximity (i.e. sleeping distance) between the parents and the baby - too far away DS will have nighttime separation anxiety, too close he will be easily triggered. We have experimented alternative sleeping arrangments (given our small living space), our current solution being me sleeping outside the bedroom (i.e. on the sofa - like what my own father had done), and let only DW and DS sleep together but stay wider apart. Balancing the stimulation with proximity maybe the way out for high need babies like DS (and possibly yours).


5. Does you lo nap well? One of the important things I have been striving to do is to protect better naps for DS. If he naps too few (e.g. only 1 when needing 2), too short (e.g. only 30 minutes) or wrong timings (e.g. too early) he suffers from nap deprivation and can't sleep well at night either.

I hope these help.

Cosleeping can be very safe

Once a friend living in USA after knowing we cosleep with our baby (sleeping next to DW who sleeps next to me) warned us about the danger of co-sleeping (mother rolling over baby). This was how I replied:

Don't worry:

1. Throughout human history, co-sleeping has been practised by countless cultures;

2 . I co-slept with my mom until teenage age;

3. I trust the sensitivity of breastfeeding mothers;

4. if safety guidelines (about conditions and positionings of parents; placements of pillows and blankets; types of beds; etc.) are observed there is no problem at all;

5. those "rolling adults" are usually men, very fat, drunken, drug-takers or smokers;

6. the cases of SIDs of babies in cribs far exceed those in parents' beds;

7. the so-called "danger" of co-sleeping is constructed by (male) pediatricians and crib companies out of control and profit motives.

Having said this, we will still be very careful. Thanks!


I don't know how many parents cosleep with their children in my city, but it must be practised by many - esp the lower class families. This city is highly densely populated, and for many lower-class families living in private rental flats their spaces are extremely small. There, it is not unusual to find the members of a 3-generation family (as many as 9 persons from what I read) sleeping very tightly together in two bunk beds (the ones who can't fit in sleep on the floor!).

What is Continuum Fathering?

:oops: Actually I created this name for myself (you can't google it :wink: ).

I try to integrate the principles described in the book continuum concept into my (as a father) style of parenting:

http://www.continuum-concept.org/

I try to involve myself as much as possible in (supporting) breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and being responsive to my babies' needs with respect, and I see children as inherently cooperative and social and capable of living in harmony with Nature, etc.

People may call this "attachment parenting" (some may even consider it a fad), but actually these principles have been practised by many traditional cultures for centuries, and so are not a modern ("Western") invention as is often assumed.

I am still learning what I want myself to be, so I'd better stop here :oops:

Cosleeping problem solved

DS will not sleep lonely in the crib again! We have bought two large ottomans (footstools), use them as an extension to our bed, place a tailor-made mattress on them and sleep sideways.Our bed is now a "king-sized" one! For the past month we three are (safely) co-sleeping together, and every one of us loves this arrangment (DS sleeps very well). (We are just adopting the most time-tested nighttime parentling style of human cultures, and in particular the practices of Hong Kong's lower class families, so this is not special at all.)

DW's overcoming the pains of breastfeeding

Since breastfeeding, DW started to develop sore nipples. The pain was so intense that made her cry while feeding DS. How sad seeing her miserable tears! But later we have figured out the proper latching position of the baby, and the pain is considerably reduced.

She is now fluent in cradle and football hold, and begins to practise lying down position.

We live in an era with nearly no relatives of the older generation and friends having experience in breastfeeding (Becasue in the 70s, the hospitals said "formula feeding is more nutritious for babies" to all mothers). Even today, the nurses and doctors in the maternal and child health centres cannot figure out the cause of her wound, and they only want to know if the baby gains weight and gets enough fluid (yes he does!) - and if they need to prescribe "supplemental bottles" (this reveals that they don't support breastfeeding wholeheartedly). We have to rely on ourselves.

Perhaps co-sleeping (more appropriately called sleep-sharing) is the best way to solve the sleeping problem of both mother and baby...

...a practice widely adopted by many cultures throughout human history, but not openly admitted by many parents in Hong Kong (& US)...worrying that their relatives would say this would "spoil" the baby...

...mother can comfort the baby timely and get him into sleep again before he wakes himself up, without leaving her bed and being fully awaken.

But DW is still reluctant to sleep with the baby all night. She doesn't want me to sleep outside the bedroom (Because of the size of our bed, I must move out to ensure the baby's safety)