Continuum Fathering 原續父職

Dear New Visitors: I am a Full-time Dad

2012-01-31T10:54:00.001-08:00

Dear New Visitors, my formal occupation is a full-time stay-at-home Dad. I have worked for it for almost 4 years, and am proud to continue.

You may learn more about my fathering approach in:
http://continuum-fathering.blogspot.com/

though in recent months I seldom upate the blog.

祈願

2012-01-31T07:07:00.000-08:00

那晚, 媽媽要陪伴因驚厥而要入院的妹妹過夜，近半年習慣了晚上與媽媽共眠的新仔，很不開心。熄了睡房的大燈後，爸爸教新仔一起在床上打坐，閉上眼睛合十，懷著慈心，祈願媽媽和妹妹第二天可以平安回家。

果然，她們第二天下午就回到了家，新仔好高興。

第二晚，收到朋友的短訊，知道她的母親正在進行生死猶關的大手術。我們一家人合十，祝願伯母平安。今次，我們鼓勵新仔帶領祈願，新仔很認真地緊閉眼睛，緩緩地搖晃著小小的身體，溫柔的聲線，如泣如訴：「......A姨姨的媽媽......快D好番啦......醫院無玩具.....無書睇......無好野食......好慘架......你快D好番......番厔企啦......」

新仔不知道他閉上眼睛時, 他的爸爸聽得熱淚盈眶。

「舌累」飯應!!

2012-01-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

今日教第一堂書，由於昨晚通霄沒睡覺，課才剛剛備好，就倒瀉籮蟹趕出門，差點遲到。課程統籌主任來 sit 堂，聽了十五分鐘就走了，還以為他不滿我的教學。下課後去找他取回證件，他問我：「以後這科就永遠由你教，好嗎?」我當然「舌累」飯應！！

Convulsion

2012-01-27T09:58:00.000-08:00

Last evening, DD (our baby girl) suddenly had a convulsion (seizures and loss of consciousness due to unknown reasons) and DW immediately took her to the hospital and stayed there overnight. I was guilty unable to accompany them, as DS was having a fever and I had to prepare materials for the lecture in the following day.

Both kids are fine and they are now sleeping well. We had a difficult moment last evening - DD's condition was scary and we had a moment of feeling like we were losing her, but fortunately we (at least I :-) were not panic. Since her convulsion was not associated with fever and the blood test results were normal (not, e.g. meningitis) we still wondered why she suddenly lost consciousness. We only know that she had sudden abnormal discharge of electrical current in the brain.

Yet, both the doctor and we suspect that she has epilepsy, but it can only be confirmed by brain scan which will be conducted in a public hospital later. And we know that if this happens again, we need to place her safely on the floor and protect her from bumping into the ground. It may be a blessing in disguise, because Socrates, Caesar, Napoleon, the composer G. Gershwin, the singer Prince, and Beethoven and Newton were all said to have epilepsy :-)

故技重施?

2012-01-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

[...]

朋友問我會否重操故業 (政策研究)。不會了。一個我很少提及的原因, 是因為我揍小朋友的經驗。全職揍仔當然是件很難脫身的工作, 別說外出開會，連在家靜心寫文都無時間 (要強調「靜心」兩個字) ──而社運圈內能理解這種困難的人竟然出奇地少。另一方面, 全職揍仔的經驗對我整個人的人生/生命/生活觀有很大的影響。每天和我談話的人, 是「師奶」、街市小販、樓下保安員和菲傭 (他們不知道我曾是一名政策研究員); 我看的圖書, 是最精彩的兒童繒本；我上開的網站, 都是關於Child Education, health and nutrition。四年的全職育兒經驗, 我開始疏遠(甚至有點討厭) 抽象的符號遊戲，愛上實幹的第一線勞動生活，精神上與「天父」(我的先父，曾做廚師和水電工人) 和工匠的相往來；甚至鄙視一些閉門造車、不做田野工作的社會學學究。所以心態上，我現在對「回到從前」的那種所謂「出山」，很有抗拒。

雖然如此，我發現現在可能比較適合我的受薪「職業」，乃人之患。而前排和稍後都會兼職從事社會政策的教育工作。像未閉關前一樣，參與一些分享會，如果題目時間地點對象 (和報酬 :-)合適，也會樂意奉陪。[...]

原文

My profile and my past lectures/seminars

有個姐姐好叻叻

2012-01-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

仔仔問：爸爸爸爸, 你同媽媽講緊乜野?

我答: 爸爸同媽媽講, 有位好勇敢 0既姐姐，對一 0的唔啱0既事，講0左心裏面 0既真話，但係有 0的好壞 0既大人，一0的鍾意打交0既大人，唔鍾意人地講真話，可能會去蝦個姐姐。

仔仔：唔解佢地要去蝦個姐姐?

我答：0的壞人鐘意講大話，唔鐘意個姐姐唔講大話，只講真話 lo，你覺得個姐姐叻唔叻？

仔仔答: 叻。

我問: 咁你覺得我地可以點樣幫到個姐姐? 唔比0的壞人蝦?

仔仔答: 我去叫0的警察, 拉哂0的壞人lo!

延伸閱讀: 致M M 同學

感恩

2012-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

早前幸運地終於在某大學社區學院覓到一份兼職講師職位，沒有經過面試就獲聘用；今天年初一再收到好消息：還未上工, 他們已問我是否願意長期受僱。獲朋友和幸運之神眷顧，感恩。希望各位新的一年，一切順利。

The Story of Us

2012-01-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

Celebrating our 15 years of living together, 8th wedding anniversity and DW's coming birthday on 28 January. Celebrating our two lovely kids

家長老師面談日

2012-01-15T05:33:00.000-08:00

老師: 有沒有把我們給你們的課本，在家溫習?

我: 沒有。對不起, 一次也沒有。

老師: 哦? (非常詐異)

我:你們的課本太淺了。你們教冬天天氣凍著多件衫，可我和新仔讀了超過二百本繪本，由地心讀到星雲，由海嘯讀到火山爆發，他知得比你們教的多，只是他不懂說出來而已。

老師: 哦? (半信半疑)

我:你們的數學書教他1 2 3 4 5, 但他和我玩Snakes and Ladders, 擲骰由1行到100......

老師: 唔......

我:你們的書本叫他自己食0野, 唔駛人餵，可是新仔七個月大首次進食時我們已讓他自己餵食, 滿1 歲時曉用鐵叉鐵刀。他現在每星期整簡單的夏威夷薄餅和藍莓Pancake. 若他高一點, 我會教他炒菜......

老師: 唔......

我:你們的書本用平面圖畫教小朋友分大小相同不同, 可是新仔每天幫手做家務, 根據玩具的大小、形狀和用途，收拾在不同顏色的櫃桶裡......

老師 (有點眼訓):哦......

我: 我們在家只說母語，不說英語, 可新仔對英文很有興趣，因為他看過很多英文圖書。你們可以教他Phonics , 讓他 Read it himself 嗎?

老師:......唔, 要等升班才可教。有第二個家長等緊, 如果沒有別些事, 我們就此拜拜, 好嗎?
我: 好的，拜拜。

Celebrating the First Birthday of DD

2011-11-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

Blood-stained Glory

2011-06-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

Is there anything more heart-touching than holding a night vigil candle with your 3-year-old son, face-to-face singing with him the song "Blood-stained Glory" (血染的風采), together with tens of thousands of people at the central lawn of Hong Kong Victoria Park?

DD's first month

2011-01-10T01:22:00.000-08:00

1. DW has been breastfeeding so well that the baby redeemed her birth weight in a week and her jaundice went away without any need to follow up medically! This surprised doctors and nurses in the Public Maternal and Child Health Centre a lot because they had insisted us to send the baby to the hospital for phototherapy (this would result in mother-baby seperaton - this is another example showing that professionals in HK are not supportive of breastfeeding).

2. When the baby's jaundice was still worrying DS suddenly developed a high fever and we were hesitated whether to send him to the private hospital (it was on the weekend). Then we made a wise decision - bringing him to a good Chinese doctor. DS completely recovered after only two days (he can drink Chinese herbs better than many adults). Unlike many children of his age, he still hasn't "tasted" any antibiotics since birth. I hope he never has to suffer the side-effects of antibiotics!

3. Compared to DS, DD is a very good sleeper - she can sleep on my arms without my moving them. And no wake up even putting on the bed then. Because DS has taught us too much :-) how to deal with sleep problems of babies, taking care of DD is (a little bit) easier than we expected - at least during these few weeks - though I hope DW can have a few hours personal time every week later - she is attending to the baby almost 21.5 hours a day (the other 2.5 hours are for DS).

4. DS adjusts very well - we can't demand him more! He has begun to exhibit very loving and caring behaviors to his sister. We have taken some interesting pictures showing the interactons between the two. Hope each day has 26 hours so I can upload them asap!

DS's response to a new baby sister...

2010-12-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

DS was watching Sesame Street in a separate room (the only way to divert his attention) when his mother was labouring, and we gave him a gift for "upgrading" to the brother status immediately after we introduced his sister to him - this is one of our tricks to reduce his anxiety. He was a little bit upset the first day - kept asking mother to "put the baby down" - but this amazing child seems to begin to adjust to the change (which we have prepared him psychologically for months) that although mother is now less available, he can still enjoy special time with her alone and even receive more attention from his father.

Homebirth

2010-12-13T02:19:00.000-08:00

DW laboured at home on Saturday and gave birth to our beautiful daughter! Thank you, Dear Wife!

(The baby was delivered by a professional homebirth midwife ... though I helped make the bed, sterilize the clips, scissors and other tools, and cut the umbilical cord myself :-))

French Toast

2010-12-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

French Toast. Now DS's breakfast on every Friday morning.

Thick slices of day-old french bread deeply soaked in custard batter (milk + egg + vanilla + cinnamon + salt), brown slightly in a pan, and then baked. Serve with maple syrup and carrot and apple juice.

Trust me, this is healthier and more delicious than "HK-style French Toast".

捉蟲

2010-07-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

硬著頭皮, 把分佈在天花板和牆壁各處的二三十條吊屍蟲逐條除去, 還要在兒子面前神態自若......

從 Google 上找來的：

「小菜蛾是十字花科蔬菜上的主要害虫，别名方块蛾、吊尸虫、小青虫等。成虫为小型蛾类；幼虫活跃，遇惊时扭动后退或吐丝下垂，老熟幼虫体黄绿色，头灰褐色，虫体中部粗大，两端细小如梭状。」

我也不清楚在天花板上見到的是否就是吊屍蟲/吊絲蟲，是朋友聽到我在電話中的形容後告訴我的，而上面Google的描述也頗符合。打電話問 Biokill，他們說牠們是卜泥，但我左看右看都不像。

到目前為止，應該捉了超過四十條......我倒不認為這是否「勇敢」的問題：只不過不想自己自幼對昆蟲的無明恐懼，影響了敏感而記性強的孩子與蟲蟲的關係...

HK Candle night vigil 2010

2010-06-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

DW and I brought DS to attend the Hong Kong candle night vigil last night to commemorate the student, worker and citizen victims of the 1989 June 4 Beijing Tiananmen Square Massacre. It was my 21st time attending the vigil. I am glad to know that more and more HK younger people come out demanding basic human rights in Mainland China.

DS burst into tears when we, for safety reasons, blew out the candle when we were getting through the 150,000 people of the vigil. I had tried to offer him a distraction, but it didn't work. At last, I re-lighted the candle and held it together with him again. His tears immediately gave way to smiles.

發佈文章

The de-facto referendum for universal suffrage in Hong Kong

2010-05-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am proud of myself because I was one of the 579,000 persons who voted at the by-election on May 16, 2010 which was a de-facto referendum for universal suffrage in Hong Kong, despite the pro-Beijing establishment's repeated attempts at sabotaging it.

Cooking

2010-05-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

I am so happy because I have just cooked a complete meal for 8 persons.

Actually I was delighted not because of my present "skills" (a lot to be improved) but because I was still an idiot in cooking two years ago.

For example, when trying to stir-fry greens and to make them softer, I always had a tendency to over-cook them.

I thought I would never cook a proper dinner.

I feel myself more complete (as a human being) now :-)

"Black-Kite-Catches-Chicks"

2010-04-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

Played hide-and-seek and black-kite-catches-chicks with children in the playground today. Surprised to know that many HK kids have never heard of these traditional children games - probably their post-80s parents do not know or play these games either, or they are more accustomed to ready-made toys or electronic games? Anyway DS was running happily all the time!

Never too late

2010-04-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

The educator John Holt began to study the cello only in his 40th year, with no particular musical background. Never too late. I hope I can learn to play a musical instrument, to write Children's literature, to draw and to cook (better).

Answer to a friend

2010-04-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

Answer to a friend: Thanks for your concern. Why don't I get a well-paying job? Because I am working for the future of humanity... one person at a time :-)

The Victims Become the Accused

2010-04-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Zhao Lianhai, who organized a support group for parents of children (including his own son) sickened by milk powder tainted by an industrial chemical, is being charged of "inciting social disorder" by the Chinese Authority. Again, the victim has become the accused. Shame on the Chinese Government and the Chinese Communist Party!

Adult education

2010-03-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Adult education can learn much from child education where the education of the senses is considered important.

I am studying the former, and am learning the latter.

Johannes Brahms

2010-03-26T14:16:00.000-07:00

The second movement of Brahms's Symphony No.4 is my most favourite music; I feel it's about forgivingness. The symphony, indeed Brahms's whole life, is about overcoming anger and achieving integrity. It worths a lifetime's pursuit. I always compare his character with mine. I love the stories about his relationship with Clara Schumann.

The Banking approach to child education

2010-03-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Tell me, where in the globe besides this city-state:

More and more local parents talk to their babies not in mother tongue but only in a foreign language (even though the parents themselves don't master it well, and the grandparents can't participate in their conversation), with a view to make their kids more "competitive" when later going to the school admission interview?
The so-called "early childhood education" means that, the toddlers as young as 3 (95% of 3~6 go to kindergartens in Hong Kong) have to learn "two languages three dialects" and "information technology", and to receive formal "writing skill training" (drilling)?

In this world's most capitalist city, arguably school (and increasingly even preschool) is the antithesis to education. It is a place where self-directed learning is discouraged and even punished, and it is also the place where children learn that learning is not fun, or that learning is not for the sake of learning per se.

Lifestyle Diversity and Choices

2010-03-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

I was the guest speaker to the City University course "Lifestyle Diversity and Choices" on the past Monday, and talked about fatherhood to over 40 students. How wonderful during the whole 80 minutes of my sharing, DS was so calm sitting in the front of the class and playing his excavator and jigsaw puzzles!

Am I asking him too much? :-)

2010-03-10T07:31:00.001-08:00

Most of the time, DS is the only kid who helps the adults dissemble the playroom floor mats after a playgroup session - the teacher of the class loves him so much! At home, I just let him help me do the housework whenever the tasks are appropriate. Sometimes he is too willing and insistent to help that he must be involved! Belows are some of the photos taken over a year. No photo was being taken (because I had to make sure he was safe) when he removed the potatoes with a pair of tongs from the hot oven !

Wiping the floor @ 9.m.o....

"DS, you may stop. The floor is already clean."

Scooping uncooked rice out with a measuring cup (not shown here) and inspecting the bugs...
Switching on the cooker in a very hot and windowless kitchen...

"Cutting" the water melon...

Putting back the toys after playing...

Vacuum cleaning...

...and wet dusting...

Feeding our beloved cat...

Helping separate Pok Choy's leaves from stems.

Turning the salad spinner...

Peeling the pomelo...
...and the orange...

Peeling the hard-boiled egg...

(he was very serious)

...and more!

Only 24.5 months old, he loves doing housework and is proud of himself!

Excavators

2010-03-08T13:55:00.000-08:00

An elder cousin (5) of DS only loves buses, and he has dozens of toy buses. On the other hand, DS loves all kinds of trucks( he can distinguish between truck-mounted crane ["吊雞車"] and hook-lift truck ["勾斗車"]!). He can name (in Chinese) over twenty trucks, but he loves excavators most( he sees them everywhere- it is because there are always major and minor dusty construction works around the city! :-( ).

Some of his daily activities, then, is playing excavator toys/ puzzles, reading books on diggers, asking us to draw them on the paper (and now I encourage him to draw in his own way too) , or watching, listening to and singing along with Youtube videos/songs about the machine (well as I said before I limit this guided screen-watching to at most 30 minutes per day and only on occasional days)....

To make the digger toy more interesting, I have also taught DS how to attach the clamshell of it to other hand-tool toys: the screwdriver, the hammer, the pilers, etc. so that the excavator can now not only dig but also grasp, lift, drill, hit, and cut, like a real transformable hydraulic excavator! (By the way, constructing new, complex and more powerful commands by combining simple but self-sufficient commands is in line with the spirit of Unix, not M$ Windows!) :-) DS likes to stack wooden blocks on his table until the stack is taller than him, then push each block of the "multi-storey building" down one by one with the pilers attached to the excavator - it becomes a demolition game!

Several days ago we also discovered a new fun way to play. We sat in a row (I sat behind him), and I leaned my right arm out of his chair. When DS was moving two plastic tubes ("the control levers") with his hands towards certain directions, my arm and hand ("the boom, the bucket and the shovel") also moved accordingly. "The aim" was to put the "bucket" into a dump-truck toy. DS likes this role play activity very much and has asked me to play with him every night since then! Scoop!

Ha ha... I have become a paper-expert of the excavator because I (have to) know the names of every part of it, how it moves and how to control it except that I never really drive one! ;-P I guess I indulge in excavators too!

"This is the work I really love... because that's what's an excavator does...."

Perhaps later we can integrate the learning of science, music, arts, language, etc. into the theme of excavators for this child! Education and learning can be fun, whole and self-directed!

Interview in Babynews II

2010-03-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

My second interview in Babynews magazine (Baby親子雜誌), Issue 196, 03/2010, pp.80-81. Click image to enlarge.

Little Sun

2010-01-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

I used to sing to him the song "little sun" (小太陽) after he woke up from the nap, nearly everyday. Last week, he tried to sing the song with me. I felt tears in my eyes. 太陽像那大紅花，在那東方天邊掛，圓圓臉兒害羞像紅霞，只是笑不說話‧‧‧‧‧‧

A New Beginning

2009-12-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

I thought I would not write this blog again.

When DW had returned from her business trip, I thought everything would go smooth then.

But since then, DS just screamed whenever her mom was going out to work, or had gone to the toilet for a few minutes.

At first, I thought I could readily redirect his anxious feelings, like what I had successfully done previously.

But this time, I found that I was losing my patience and tolerance.

That evening, DW after work went to the washroom for a quick shower. DS screamed the fourth time on the same day.

I could feel the muscles in my neck tighten, my ears burning, my voice trembling.

I lost it. I started to scream too and shout at him.

I continued to yell for a whole week, whenever and wherever DS was crying, whether it was 9:00 am in the middle morning, 2:30 pm in the afternoon, 8:00 pm in the evening, or 3:00 am in the early morning.

When DS had finally gone tired and slept, sometimes I sat down and wanted to cry.

I felt embarrassed, frustrated and guilty.

I had promised myself I would be a "different" kind of father: "I was supposed to stay 'cool', at all times". What had I done?

I failed to realize that, I was denying myself.

I forgot that the driving force behind my achievement motivations, the force that has constituted the enthusiastic and committed person (IMHO) I am, is my equally-strong passions.

I would not be able to teach my son to understand and live comfortably with the richness and deepness of his emotional life when he has grown up, if I had let my own intensity take control of myself.

So before I could help DS manage the power of his spirits, I have to manage mine first. This means I have to be aware of my reactions, feel comfortable with them, be accepting, non-judgemental and forgiving and learn to let go.

And sometimes, I need to stop and take a deep breath, even step away for a while, and examine my self-talks before these moral imperatives (shoulds) turn to destructive self-fulfilling prophecies.

Then one month has passed. I have not shouted again, perhaps only once. DS is still an lovely vivid expressive child, but he has also become more cooperative when his father has learned to attentively listen to the feelings of both and made appropriate responses, though not every time.

We have just lived the happiest month.

I am delighted to report that I think I have really made a difference this time, though there is still a long way for me to learn.

So this blog continues....

Seperation anxiety

2009-10-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

DW has gone abroad for a business trip for a few days. She was rather worried that I would be over-exhausted looking after this anxious child 24 hours a day. (Long-term readers of this blog may recall that I described DS as a high-need spirited child who woke up very frequently at night.)

Well, so far, so good. For the first three nights, DS waked up the first time only at around 4:00am, and again at around 6:00am, demanding for breast nursing, though doing it much more intensely at the second awakening. I could handle them. "Perhaps I can make use of the chance to nightwean him altogether", I thought.

The real challenge came last evening. After dinner, I left DS to my mom and elder brother (who came to help on that day) for just 20 mins, and went out to restock kitchen stuff for use in the coming week. When I returned, I was shocked to know that DS had cried hysterically during those 20 mins - perhaps he thought I had also gone abroad.

How poor, he did not stop crying even after the warm bath, did not want to go to sleep, only wanted me to hug him very tightly, as if I had to swear that I would never leave him again....

At last, I nestle him down, and told him a story: how SS (our 12.5-year-old cat) joined this family. When I finished, he had already fallen asleep, and slept a 6-hour stretch before first awakening.

I had never thought I could be a story-teller, but that was the best story I had ever told.

Moving house

2009-09-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

The building where our flat was located was suddenly "liable to become dangerous" (as announced by the Building Authority). As a consequence, the owners corporation decided to undergo a major repair works. The noise and the air quality of the living environment would be seriously deteriorated in the coming year. For the benefit of DS, we had to move urgently.

I hate moving house. It was our (DW and I) fifth moving, and moving with hundreds (if not thousands) of articles (books etc.) has always made me headache. Now with a kid it would be no kidding at all! "Will he adjust to the new environment well, or will he have to relearn many skills because the context has become different?", I was rather nervous.

Another reason for my anxiety was due to the experience last time. As I wrote in a previous post, when DW was pregnant, we moved to a house near her workplace. Since I had already resigned and was not employed at that time, I felt myself discriminated by the former property agent and the landlord as a "non-working" male member in this patriarchal society (they equated "work" with "formal employment in the labour market", which is obviously wrong).

However, when I wore DS and went to see the present property agent (another one) this time, she had a high regard of my status as an at-home-dad, and DS's affection with me surprised her a lot. She worked promptly for our welfare. And according to the present landlord, one of the reasons he rented this house to us (at a below-market price) was that he thought "a man such as you (me) willing to be a full-time carer will also be a good tenant".

I am glad that at-home-dads have become more socially acceptable now. What a blessing. Hope the new house can provide us with a stable and productive environment for years to come.

On Soy Milk

2009-08-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

This morning breakfast DS played with his cup of soy milk again and half of the content was poured on the floor. At first I was a bit angry (well, after eleven months of baby-led weaning I expect him to have some table manners), but immediately I thought of a good way to handle the situation.

Because I wanted him to know the intrinsic value of maintaining a clean floor without blaming him, when I unfastened him from the high chair, I told him that why pouring the milk on the floor was wrong and asked him to wipe the dirt with a cloth, WITH me. As expected, DS was willing to comply, and we made a good wash. DS didn't want to stop wiping!

Yes, my method might be considered a mild consequence from a "discipline" model, but it was also a meaningful activity which was appreciated, done and shared by us together. By reminding myself that we should always be on the same side, hopefully I can determine the real priorities in our shared lives, and can avoid the problem of punishments and/or external rewards which both necessitate a top-down pushing/ coaxing/ coercive approach that is always distrustful of a child's own abilities and motivations.

First Words @ 18m

2009-08-13T02:44:00.000-07:00

Should they be counted as DS's first words: (when being asked to say "PaPa") "Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa Papa..." or just his playing with sounds? :-)

Interview in Babynews

2009-08-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

My interview in Babynews magazine (Baby親子雜誌), Issue 189, 08/2009, pp.26-7. Click image to enlarge.

On Homemade Porridge

2009-07-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite time-to-spare breakfasts to make at home is porridge. I usually start with organic oat flakes, and add the following during or after cooking: chopped soaked dried apricots or raisins, oat milk powder, almond powder, freshly ground sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds, an grated apple or pear, etc. I usually spend 30~40 minutes preparing for this recipe (very long compared with other breakfasts ideas). The porridge contains a lot of healthy nutrients (good fats, iron and calcium, among others) and is very delicious.

You must be thinking that my DS has always been loving this great food made by his at-home dad.

To the contrary, he almost always screamed whenever I was making it. He cried when he heard the sound of the mill (when finely grinding the seeds). And he even became hysterical when he found that he could not enter the kitchen and saw what his dad was doing because the safety gate (which is being installed in the kitchen's entrance) was closed.

The worst thing was, when this intense child screamed, his equally intense father, who usually hadn't slept well the night before and who had just thought himself wholeheartedly spending half-an-hour in a very hot windowless kitchen making healthy good food for his beloved son, also found himself burning into the red zone and screaming at the kid. Then a vicious circle reinforced itself which scared both of us.

Well, you may have noticed that I used the past tense for the last two paragraphs. Yes, I still make porridge as breakfasts, once or twice a week, but DS has stopped behaving like the above way for several months. I think I have learned some important lessons to keep us both cool.

Now I seldom operate the mill. In case I must use it, I will bring DS to the kitchen, put my hands over his shoulders, and watch together with him how the mill is processing. In this way, he can observe the functions of the mill, not just hearing some very annoying strange sound without knowing where it came from. If he is still a bit frightened, I will switch off the mill this time and not grind any dry ingredients, or do this only when he is being distracted (by a toy for example), or when the white noise of the range hood is loud enough to mask the sound of the mill.

But the most "revolutionary" move I've done may have been to open the safety gate, to allow DS to come to the kitchen (only when I am also there too), and to let him touch virtually everything there (except of course the stove, the hot oil/ boiling water, the sharp tools, the breakables and the cleaning chemicals). Although the time of cooking is inevitably lengthened (and I have to keep my left eye on DS when my right eye is monitoring the cooking process), this superficial inconvenience is completely negligible considering the happy smile in his face when he is watching, smelling, tasting, touching and learning the properties of things in the kitchen (every one of them is interesting him)- the uncooked ingredients, the liquids, the utensils, etc.

Shortly he will also help his father prepare food.

DS stills eat only a little homemade porridge - perhaps more if he is very hungry. I don't mind that any more - I have become more aware of my own bodily cues, my gut feeling and my inner irrational messages (about what a child SHOULD BEHAVE), and of the need to keep breathing and manging my own intensity in a constructive way. I am still learning to improve myself (and to let go), and I hope that one day DS will learn how to live positively with his strong emotions too.

Among the 30,000 people...

2009-07-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

...perhaps DS was the youngest Hong Kong walker (16 months) at the July 1st March 2009 for universal suffrage.

That day was the twelfth anniversary of the former British colony's return (or having been recolonized?) to Chinese sovereignty.

Weaning from wearing down to sleep

2009-06-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, my secret weapon of "nursing" has always been wearing DS down to sleep (nap) in a sling. Because DS has a very intense character, catnapping and sleep deprivation is always my concern. But swinging him with the sling can wind him down and make his wild body calm, and swaddling him in that sling while laying it in the bed with him (when he's about to fall asleep) provides the sense of security which in turn ensures that his catnaps are replaced by more restorative one-hour, seventy-five- or even ninety-minutes naps.

In recent weeks, some important things have happened. Because DS has begun to feel the semi-upright position that I have been putting him into the sling too confining (it is not easy to wear him down if he is being carried in other positions, such as the snuggle hold, because the change of body positions is considerable which easily wakes him up), I feel that perhaps it's time to wean him (at least partially) from the sling when nap time comes.

So after bringing him to the bedroom, singing "ABCD" or "twinkle twinkle little star", reading a book or two to him, and reminding him that it's time to sleep (the intervals between his windows of falling asleep, after first waking up in the morning, are about 3, 3.5 and 5 hours respectively), I put him directly into the sling in a cradle hold position (with his legs leaned out, so the sling essentially just becomes a wrap around his waist), then immediately lay him down awake, but stay with him.

While staying with him, I keep on singing the lullaby "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" (or just humming the melody), and gently pat his legs, arms and/or shoulders (to relax the muscles which are still tense and wiggling). Usually he will lie quietly on the bed, but still resists to close his eyes. I then massage his forehead using my thumb and index finger, and even gently cover his eyes with my palm so that he is not distracted by the pictures on the wall. He will go to sleep in no more than 10 minutes, and unless being bothered by teething or other physical problems, he can usually stay asleep for the entire nap (without my presence) until he feels "enough" ( he will stand up immediately after waken up)!

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

If you think that the above sounds interesting, don't forget that I have practiced laying him down for 14 months continuously- and only until recent months he does not scream when his body touches the bed (while he is awake)! The lesson I have learned is that for a high need spirited baby like DS, learning to sleep independently can only be a very gradual and supported process, but eventually s/he will attain it when the time has come.

I am now just hoping that I can transfer this learning to nights.

Related article: no cry nap solution for an intense baby

DS was on the radio!

2009-06-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

DW and I (shamefacedly) talked about parenting on RTHK Radio 2. The topics covered included: breastfeeding, babywearing, baby-led weaning, continuum parenting and social participation, discipline, etc. The program was broadcast on 26th 8:00pm: http://www.rthk.org.hk/rthk/radio2/89/20090626.html

La Leche League newsletter

2009-06-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

After my photo of DW's breastfeeding lying down became the cover picture of La Leche League Asia Newsletter (Vol.9 No.2 2008), I am so glad to know that my article "From Breastfeeding to Baby-led Weaning" will also be published in an coming issue of LLL Chinese newsletter. I hope I can make more contribution to the breastfeeding movement!

"Modern Papas's Tips on Successful Breastfeeding" seminar

2009-06-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

It was organized by the Hong Kong Breastfeeding Mother's Association and held in the Western District Community Centre on June 20.

Over 40 people attended the seminar, not bad! Made a nice presentation (IMHO :-). How wonderful DS was so calm sitting on my laps.

On Giving Chinese Medicine

2009-06-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Very frustrated giving Chinese medicine to DS. The intense child just spits out the medicine even it has been mixed with honey. (To those who are not familiar with Chinese herbal medicine: the decoction [the prepared liquid] is dosed in a rice bowl [size smaller for children], not in spoons.) I HATE dropping the decoction into his cheek pocket every time - we are both emotionally exhausted!!!

Q: Why don't use syringe? You can cool down the herbal tea and inject it to his mouth by the syringe. You can buy the syringe (of course without needle version) in any local dispensary stores. Just like many children also use syringe to have the syrup.

Thanks but actually we have been using the syringe (when all other more respectable means fail)!

I guess few children's syrups will require the parents to administer 150ml (a children's rice bowl=one dose of decoction) or even a half portion of it at one time!

Tonight (just like all other nights) DS protested against the syringe hysterically, gagged heavily and hurt his mouth corner....We were both very scared.

Forgot to say, with the syringe method we at most can give ~20ml at one time (INCluding the spit-out) before we break down. It's just like a torture to every one.

In fact, even giving 2.5ml of acetaminophen will make DS mad.

The Dignity of Human Beings can never be divided.

2009-06-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

20 years after the 1989 June 4 Beijing Tiananmen Square Massacre, there were still over 150,000 people (we are proud to have been three of them) attending the Hong Kong candle night commemoration vigil demanding basic human rights in China, despite Hong Kong's being the world's most capitalist city and China's recent world's shocking economic power. The dignity of human beings can never be divided.

從母乳餵哺到由嬰兒主導戒奶

2009-05-28T05:38:00.000-07:00

(本文亦刊於《國際母乳會中文會刊 2009年第二期》及《香港母乳育嬰協會2009 年8 月季刊》﹞

「這天，十五個月大的新仔的胃口不錯。與爸爸一起吃的早餐，吃的是最愛的牛油果﹝夾在花生醬黑麥三文治裡)、小半隻香蕉和少許豆漿。

下午的點心是忌廉芝士有機糙米餅，用飲管杯喝開水。

像過去幾個月一樣，今天的晚餐也是和爸爸媽媽同桌吃飯。新仔用咖啡匙吃了兩口白飯後，便用手指快速地拾吃了一握量的小雞丁﹝喔，他很愛吃白肉哩)。雖然新仔剛滿一歲便懂得握叉和匙，但用手吃還是快得多。期間，還吃了兩小朵西蘭花和一塊紅蘿蔔。當他開始把玩高腳椅托盤上的餐具和食物時，媽媽趕快把它們拿走，並遞上一小碗魚湯，讓新仔拿著小湯匙自行餵飲。飯後的水果時間，新仔用小鋼叉吃了一小碗全脂乳酪橙粒‧‧‧‧‧‧

雖然新仔食飯時經常弄髒頭髮和衣服，有時也會因為出牙、疲倦和生病等原因心情和胃口欠佳，可是爸媽對他自行進食的能力(包括自我決定進食的量和種類)很有信心。況且，在正餐和小食之間，新仔還繼續從媽媽身上得到最保障健康的母乳的補充，故此爸媽從不擔心他的營養。他們的理想，是盡量跟隨世界衛生組織的指引，自兒子六個月大後引進固體食物起，讓母乳餵哺可持續至最少兩歲。」

和很多父母一樣，當BB六個月大時，我們本來打算跟隨主流的做法，用匙羹餵BB吃糊狀食物。可是，花去整整一個月的時間、流了不少眼淚，無論匙上的是什麼﹝包括以母乳開稀的米糊、麥糊、果茸、菜茸等﹞，BB的反應不是緊閉雙唇，就是立即把入口的食物吐出。我們開始焦急了：是否應像很多家長一樣，早在 BB三四個月大時就餵食，不理會敏感風險？BB會否永不接受固體食物？我們是否要像某位護士的建議，剛開始引入固體食物時便排在餵母奶前，不顧BB的需要，「迫」BB因肚餓而接受？

可是，當我們夫婦倆吃飯時，當時這個已滿六個月大的BB，明顯地已不再滿足於只是坐在高腳椅上把玩玩具了，他要模仿我們把手上的食物放進口中！對我們來說，孩子已準備好接受固體食物了。參與成人世界多采多姿的生活，應該是一個愛探索的正常孩子的成長原動力吧。

既然孩子已滿六個月大(我們的BB五個月時已能坐好)，他的消化系統和腎臟功能應該比四個月時的好，食物致敏的機會亦減少(除非有家族敏感史)，我們索性參考英國衛生署的最新指引，直接向BB提供手指食物(讓BB用牙肉咬嚼)，讓BB慢慢學習咀嚼食物和手部控制，並與我們同桌吃飯。起初是較軟的食物：牛油果、香蕉和蒸腍了的西蘭花朵、番薯和薯仔。經過四個月的練習，未到一歲，孩子已差不多和我們吃著同類的食物了(除了小部份對他可能致敏和有毒的食物如牛肉、牛奶、貝殼類、蛋白、酸果、蜜糖等)：各種水果(切開一片片或整個地提供 [開始出牙後]如蘋果)、剪碎了的綠葉菜葉(在白飯中拌勻)、各類瓜菜、蒸腍了的小粟米、小甘筍、肉類如魚肉和雞肉、蛋黃、豆腐、五穀類如白飯/粥(加入少許糙米)、加入全穀或黑麥粉的白麵方包、低鈉低糖餅乾、通心粉、剪短的意粉、乾穀和煮熟的燕麥片等。

我們盡量希望每餐或每天的菜式中也能提供均衡的營養。為了孩子日後的口味和健康，烹飪時我們只用極少量的鹽和糖調味(從大人的菜餚中分取BB的部份後，才添加醬油到前者中)；購買包裝食物時(如作為早餐)，我們會細心檢查它們的成份標籤，確保沒有可能損害BB健康的添加劑和過多的鈉和糖。每星期一兩次的外出吃飯，除了只幫襯那些對BB安全的食肆環境，還不讓BB吃到味精、高鹽、炸油和反式脂肪 (有時只能自備食物)。

為了安全起見，我們確保BB進食時坐直身子、不向他提供細硬(如果仁、果核)或細圓的食物(如每粒提子會先切開最少兩半)以免鯁喉；避開魚骨；不提供易粘住的全白麵包，並只薄塗果仁醬。最初我們把食物切成BB 可用整個拳頭握著的塊狀讓他咬和嚼一點 (或吸吮肉塊的汁)，到BB能用手指拾起(pincer grasp)食物時才切粒，流質食物則在BB願意接受幫助時才提供預載食物的匙羹，讓BB自行拿著。進食時必把電視關掉以免BB分心 (其實我們從不讓他看電視)、不讓BB獨個兒或走動時進食；並且克制要填餵BB的衝動，以免不小心把食物送至BB口腔太後的部位(而BB又已無法透過作嘔反射保護自己)。

在英國有超過20年保健視察員經驗的拉普利（Gill Rapley）把家長在引進固體食物時索性讓嬰兒自行餵食的做法(類似上述)歸納為「由嬰兒主導戒奶」(Baby-led Weaning)。根據拉普利的觀察，這個方法讓BB接觸和嘗試不同顏色、形狀、體積和質感的食物，與匙餵法比較起來，嬰兒對食物的興趣大增，更容易接受一些要咀嚼的食物、減少便秘和日後偏食的機會，並使BB發展手部控制能力。當BB進食更多固體食物時，要求的奶量便會自然減少，過程由BB主導(或頂多由 BB和大人的共同主導)，慢慢完成整個引入固體食物的過渡期。

現在回想起來，我們的方法適合自己的BB，除了因為他似乎天生是一個衝動的性情兒外，還可能因為母乳餵哺本身就與嬰兒被動的接受餵食不太相襯。嬰兒在母乳餵哺中，是主動地依據自己的需要吸吮母乳的(如透過控制吸吮的時間來平衡前乳和後乳的比例)。而母乳因母親的飲食產生不同味道，又令嬰兒日後容易接受不同的固體食物。可以說，由嬰兒主導減奶是母乳餵哺的合理發展，後者為前者提供穩固的基礎。

現在BB已經十五個月大(十個月起已開始走路)，已進入人稱「嘴刁」階段的幼兒期了。讓嬰兒主導減奶的思想再次提醒我們，不以食物作為賞罰或逗哄的手段，尊重和信任BB自我進食的需要、意願和能力(大人的責任是提供健康和多樣化的食物和示範正確的用餐規矩)，可能是保持進食作為一種饒有趣味的家庭/ 社交活動、避免進食時間淪為父母和孩子的角力場的有效方法。

註：

1. 這篇文章是打算投稿到某支持母乳餵哺的刊物中發表，故嘗試整理母乳餵哺與由嬰兒主導戒奶之間的理論關係，並不表示作者認為以配方奶粉餵養嬰兒必然不適合這種戒奶方法。

2. 「Weaning」是指引入固體食物到完全離乳的過渡期，一般譯作「戒奶」、「斷奶」。可是，理想的Weaning應是指一個漸進而不是突變的過程，筆者認為譯做「減奶」比較恰當。由於「戒奶」這個名詞在本地甚為流行，為方便讀者搜尋本文，標題沿用「戒奶」，但內文則兼用「減奶」、「戒奶」。

(圖片：新仔八個月大首次吃木瓜時的感動。攝影：筆者)

相關文章：期望香港，對母乳餵哺友善 ──寫在2008年母親節前夕

Related Website: Continuum Fathering 原續父職

答客問：牛奶以外的選擇......

問：「既然餵人奶，其他牛奶食品可以減少乎？」

1 鮮牛奶：BB 一歲前，我們從沒有給他喝鮮牛奶 (所有嬰兒一歲前都不適合喝鮮牛奶，因鮮奶蛋白比配方奶粉更易致敏)。BB現在雖過了一歲，但也只「吃」過少量 (我視高熱量和高脂肪的鮮牛奶為食物 )──用來加入炒蛋、做粟米湯和拌粟米片，原因我懷疑(未能確定)他對鮮牛奶有少許敏感 (皮膚有輕微紅疹)。

人奶仍是BB的主要食物和飲料，其他時間我們是以清水 (大部份時間)、無糖 (市售) /有機(自造)豆漿、有機燕麥粉/杏仁粉開奶，或(一歲後) 溝稀了的橙汁給他喝的。

我個人不希望BB戒人奶後每天吃牛奶/奶粉 (就算他對牛奶無敏感)，因擔心蛋白質結構本來是給牛仔飲的牛奶的蛋白、脂肪和乳糖長遠對他這位人類的營養和健康有害。

2 含有牛奶成份的食品：BB 和我們外出吃飯，也吃過一些有牛奶成份的麵包和中式點心。不過，我們現在基本上已沒有再買集團式麵包店的麵包了 (那些除了用奶粉外，還勁多添加劑，而太多的添加劑[和電視]被認為與兒童過度活躍症有關)，改為用麵包機在家自製麵包 (只間中幫襯樓下的小麵包店的新鮮出爐麵包)，那樣便可以在食譜中用燕麥粉取代奶粉。

3 乳製品：BB對牛油 (沒有含致敏的蛋白)、芝士和乳酪(經過發酵)均無敏感，故我們也有用無添加鹽的牛油自製麵包、蛋榚、鬆餅和曲奇，和用牛油和忌廉芝士塗麵包和餅乾。乳酪是BB最喜愛的食物之一，我們每星期也在家中發酵乳酪給他吃(多是拌水果粒同吃)。

問：「牛奶太多化學物質，生產過程又要牛受苦，又要花費好多資源。」

唔‧‧‧‧‧‧ 這真是個難題。其實不只是牛奶，畜養出來供宰售的牲畜，吃進的飼料往往有農藥，又給強行餵了太多激素和抗生素，和自小忍受工廠式生產的惡劣環境。作為消費者的徹底應對辦法，似乎不是改吃目前還是偏貴的有有機/人道認證肉 (我們試過買有機雞和蛋，但覺開支太大)，就是改為全素食(我們暫時未有足夠的營養知識[和勇氣]去這樣做──現在頂多是fishy-chicki- tarians)。我們現在的做法，是希望BB盡量多吃水果和蔬菜去均衡營養 (很多家長都有這樣的經驗：子女自小不愛[多]吃水果和[特別是]蔬菜)、並「間中」於早餐時以果仁醬和磨碎的種子和午晚餐以豆腐去代替肉類蛋白、以波菜 /乾果/豆腐等配合鮮果的維他命C去代替肉類提供鐵質和以燕麥奶、豆腐、豆漿、黑芝麻、杞子、綠葉菜等去代替乳製品提供鈣質。

From Breastfeeding to Baby-led Weaning

2009-05-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

Chinese Title of the Original Article: 從母乳餵哺到由嬰兒主導戒奶
The following English version was translated by Google.

Is there anything more deeply satisfying...

2009-03-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

... than sitting with your toddler in the corridor of a heritage museum, with him resting on your laps, looking at the raining garden, and occasionally turning around and feeding you his ricecake?

My top tips on Baby-Led Weaning

2009-02-14T13:17:00.000-08:00

1. Remember eating is a social activity - so relax, eat together with your baby, talk to him/her, and don't just stare at him/her.

2. Always have a camera beside you to capture the decisive moment.

3. Let your lo offer you food or brush your teeth :wink:

On "Potty Training"

2009-02-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

-When did you start?

the 8th or 9th month.

-How did you start? - how did you introduce the potty, how many times a day, etc?

We let DS sit on a potty every morning for a short while so that he is familiar with it and plays with it (DS usually poos in the morning). Now when DS needs to poo his facial expression will become very serious (or even cry for a brief period [just 10 seconds - so we need to be very sensitive]), and we will put him in the potty immediately, and he wil poo brilliantly there then.

We only introduce the potty for pooing but not peeing yet, and at most once a day. Actually we consider ourselves doing part-time elimination communication, not potty "training" - because we concern not about the "control" (though DS does hold on for 15 seconds :D ) but the "release" and responding to the need.

-How do you get them to stay on the potty?

We find that if DS still hasn't "finished" yet (judged by the amount of "output") it is easier to persuade him to stay longer. We usually use two methods:

1. If DW is the main one helping, I will sit on a IKEA little baby chair and pretend that I am also pooing (I make some noises [mmming "Jingle Bells"] and do some hand signs)

2. Or we just give him something (e.g. a book) to read so that he forgets to leave.

-A few of the sites I've just read have suggested that you need the child to be able to communicate verbally more than lo is able to at the moment (we have 'bye', 'hi' and 'woof' at the moment...)

DS is not very interested in hand signs or words. Though he is an early walker (impulsive and motor-driven), apparently he will be a late speaker. Today is the first day he really does "bye bye"! :D

Where are you now?

2009-02-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in the reading room in front of a desktop. Beside me there are two DIY bookshelves made of universal angle iron that hold in total 900~1,000 books, but the books are very disorganized so actually only children books are accessible! Behind me is a high wardrobe but the doors are not easily opened, again due to the piles of books on a table. Actually this room is also our storage/garbage room - in but not out. It is a mess because I have no time nor mood (is a bit depression an excuse?) to tidy it up! Books and notes have become my burdens, I hate myself having been stuck too long (though enjoying parenting) but can't give them up at the moment - if the global climate change really gets worse maybe they can be used for keeping warm on the day after tomorrow.

Re: late walking

2009-02-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

I also know a boy who started to walk only after 18 months.

IMHO, the timing of walking of a baby very much depends on his or her temperament (besides muscle strength and balancing). Your lo may just have an easy temperament - she is content about her current accomplishments. Or she just approaches walking a bit more cautiously. In either case, this is a blessing in disguise.

So don't worry - when she finally starts to walk, she will walk very well.

Ideas for Sleep

2009-02-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

DS is a very intense and sensitive baby and could wake up every 30 minutes at night at worst. He has been a very challenging baby since birth. If on one particular night he can sleep 2 ~2.5 hour stretches we consider that night a victory. STTN to us is a myth.

If your lo wakes frequently at night recently, may I ask you the following questions?

1. Did your lo sleep "better" before? I ask this because frequent night-wakings of a previous "better" sleeper is often due to medical/physical causes (e.g. sickness like infections, food allergies, indigestion, etc. - assuming the physical and social environment is unchanged). Tense babies can't sleep.

In another forum, a mother who initially had attributed frequent night-wakings of her daugther to sole psychological causes (which may lead to the bad conclusion that the baby is "manipulating") later found that she actually was suffering from serious double ear-infections.

2. I always reassure DW that night-time parenting should be a teamwork, and fathering down is an important skill/resource to develop, and to prevent her from burning-out.

Your DH may not be able to make your lo asleep, but perhaps he can make him sleepy before bringing him to you? and you may take a short rest (say 1 hour - an adult's sleep cycle; I know it's short, but it's like a sip of water in desert) when your DH is comforting him. This has been one of our survival techniques when the situation was seemingly unbearable.

He first may better practise this the night before the weekend as he will have a holiday the following day?

If your DH succeeds to comfort him, you have developed a variety of sleep associations for your DS besides nursing him to sleep (though nursing to sleep is one of the world's beautiful great thing to do unless you are exhausted) - in our case, they are DW's patting DS's back instead of nursing, and my wearing DS down to bed using a sling.

3. Can you nap with your lo? Your lo still needs 2 or 3 naps everyday right? Since I am a poor sleeper at night, I always look forward to napping together with DS (while lowering our standards of household tidiness and outsourcing as many tasks as we can). (If you must rock/swing him to nap and cannot put him down I can share a little bit how to deal with this)

4. What is your current sleeping arrangment? For us the core problem is the proximity (i.e. sleeping distance) between the parents and the baby - too far away DS will have nighttime separation anxiety, too close he will be easily triggered. We have experimented alternative sleeping arrangments (given our small living space), our current solution being me sleeping outside the bedroom (i.e. on the sofa - like what my own father had done), and let only DW and DS sleep together but stay wider apart. Balancing the stimulation with proximity maybe the way out for high need babies like DS (and possibly yours).

5. Does you lo nap well? One of the important things I have been striving to do is to protect better naps for DS. If he naps too few (e.g. only 1 when needing 2), too short (e.g. only 30 minutes) or wrong timings (e.g. too early) he suffers from nap deprivation and can't sleep well at night either.

I hope these help.

Re: How to persuade DH to stop smoking?

2009-02-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

Symphathy to the situation of wives of smokers. I have no special tricks, but previously I have written to a good friend who used to be a heavy smoker (he smokes considerably less now). You may consider the following points:

@ Do you know any person who died of smoking? My father died at early fifty due to lung cancer. He was a smoker. This is my strongest argument.

@ Does he stink after smoking? Do you hate the smell? Tell him your feeling. Your feeling is irrefutable and hence powerful.

@ Second-hand and even third-hand smoking is harmful to the baby:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1774

@ Has his health deteriorated since smoking?

@ Has your health deteriorated due to second-hand smoking?

@ Challenge him: Does he dare to take a X-ray picture of his lungs? I've heard that this is very effective to deter one from smoking.

Re: Bought Avacado - What now?!?!

2009-02-06T13:09:00.001-08:00

Is it ripe? If not, put it in a paper bag with an apple and/or a banana (to accelerate the ripening process) and loosely close the bag, and store the bag at room temperature. When it is ripe (check it every day - you press the shell and feel it starts to become soft) you can cut and spread the content on rice cakes, breads, etc. Or just give your lo a pre-loaded spoon. Store the avocado in the frige for 2 - 5 days after it's ripe. If it is cut, wrap it first with a plastic wrap to keep it fresh.

Avocado is not sweet at all, but is DS's most favourite food. Perhaps DS knows that it's very nutritious (good fats)?

Re: Sandwich Fillings ideas?

2009-02-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

Avocado, cream/cottage cheese, baked beans, scramble egg, nut butter, sardine, or hummus?

Go Organic?

2009-02-05T13:08:00.000-08:00

We have gone organic for the following:

Rice cakes, cereal, flour, apples, eggs, baby corn, frozen chicken breasts, frozen sweet corn/ broccoli/ spinach, cinamon, sugar, butter, nut butter, yogurt, oatmilk.

We used to buy organic tofu too but we often forgot it and it stank in the fridge!

Yes organic foods are VERY expensive, so we buy only those DS eats most, and reserve them only for him.

No Spanking, please!

2009-02-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

Recently in the children playground we often go, there is a kid (around 3 yrs) who SLAPS every other kids's faces whenever they are blocking his way (e.g. when he wants to see what interests them). There are always crying then.

Once when both his parents were also present and the same thing happened, we made a complaint to the parents, and the result was...

...the father rushed to the kid, shouted at him and SLAPPED his face!!!

Violence breeds violence. Isn't it clear?

Kung Hei Fat Choy!!!

2009-01-25T12:22:00.000-08:00

Today (Jan 26) is the first day of the Chinese year of the Ox. The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. So parents I hope this year brings you happiness and well-being in parenting your little ones. Enjoy! :bsmile

"Kung Hei Fat Choy" (Wish you a prosperous New Year)!

Our best parenting decision ever made

2009-01-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

Today DW and I talked about the numerous parenting decisions we've made so far and if there exists the best one (despite all our horrible mistakes!!! :wink: ).

For us, the best decision may be "moving house". The decision was planned, but the fact that it has been the best is retrospective.

DW and I had lived in a very small house (with a cat) for nearly 10 years before she was pregnant, and we had moved our house (still with the cat) to a place very near to DW's workplace (10 minute's walk suffices) just before DS's birth. At that time we only had a vague thought of "living close to MaMa's workplace so that mother and baby can see each other easily" (considering the general breastfeeding unfriendly environment here).

It has turned out that this decision was very correct because DW had problems expressing enough milk for storage, and DS actively resisted bottle-feeding (or any other containers holding BM - I was worried at that time - we had tried a dozen brands of bottles and teats). Since DW has resumed her job, there has been virtually no need for expressing breastmilk because either DW returns home to nurse during a short break or I wear DS to her workplace for a feeding (except once - but I used a banana instead of EBM!!! :D ).

Although usually everything is done in a quick rush - the timings between DW's scheduled meetings, DS's needs for feeding and naps often crash (which make me rather stressful)! But on the whole, we have been still able to manage it quite well IMHO (including the fact DW's bosses have never grumbled).

However, we may still move house again in the near future, because air pollution (and rent rate) is a problem in this most crowded part of the island. So if there is BabyFranklen2 (hopefully!) we may not be able to replicate this decision (I guess I will be very nervous again).

What about you? Could you share any best (planned or retrospectively speaking) parenting decision you think you've made so far?

Cosleeping can be very safe

2009-01-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

Once a friend living in USA after knowing we cosleep with our baby (sleeping next to DW who sleeps next to me) warned us about the danger of co-sleeping (mother rolling over baby). This was how I replied:

Don't worry:

1. Throughout human history, co-sleeping has been practised by countless cultures;

2 . I co-slept with my mom until teenage age;

3. I trust the sensitivity of breastfeeding mothers;

4. if safety guidelines (about conditions and positionings of parents; placements of pillows and blankets; types of beds; etc.) are observed there is no problem at all;

5. those "rolling adults" are usually men, very fat, drunken, drug-takers or smokers;

6. the cases of SIDs of babies in cribs far exceed those in parents' beds;

7. the so-called "danger" of co-sleeping is constructed by (male) pediatricians and crib companies out of control and profit motives.

Having said this, we will still be very careful. Thanks!

I don't know how many parents cosleep with their children in my city, but it must be practised by many - esp the lower class families. This city is highly densely populated, and for many lower-class families living in private rental flats their spaces are extremely small. There, it is not unusual to find the members of a 3-generation family (as many as 9 persons from what I read) sleeping very tightly together in two bunk beds (the ones who can't fit in sleep on the floor!).

How we started Elimination Communication

2009-01-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

DW let DS sit on a potty every morning for a short while since the 9th (or 8th?) month so that he is familiar with it and plays with it (DS always poos in the morning [now also in the evening - but always when DW is present!!!). Now when DS needs to poo his facial expression will become very serious, and DW will put him in the potty immediately, and he wil poo brilliantly there then.

We consider this elimination commuication not "potty training" because we concern not about the "control" (though DS does hold on for 15 seconds :D ) but the "release" and responding to the need. This has been a traditional way of doing in my city...(BTW, BLW, breastfeeding, cosleeping, and babywearing are all ancient stuff, aren't they?).

There is some latest update. DS used to poo every 12+ days since the 3rd month (even after starting solids; but he was not constipated). After this introduction of potty the intervals between pooing have been considerably shortened - from 7 to 5 and then latest 3 days. A big step!

Well, I miss the days when I didn't have to clean the potty at 7a.m. :oops: (I usually sleep later than 2 am)

Re: Milk and Calcium

2009-01-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

Traditionally most people in this city relied on soya beans, tofu, greens, sesame, fish bones, small dried shrimps & fishes, seeds like fructus lycii, fig, etc. to provide calcium. Dairy products were considered very "luxury" and "Western" food.

Re: Show me the light!!!

2009-01-19T13:03:00.000-08:00

1) How long should I wait after she has nursed to offer solids?

There is a saying that you should wait at least 20 minutes to prevent interference with the absorption of iron from breastmilk (esp if your lo is iron deficient). But I guess a lot of people are too eager to BLW so not many of them observe this!

I admit that we always try to but sometimes we can't (because you know life with a baby is always very rush).

2) How many times now shd I offer solids? once or twice or more??Shd I offer solids whenever I am having my meals (which is typically b/l/d)?

The theory is that you can get your lo sit & eat together with you whenever you have meals or snacks. But you may start gradually instead. The core thing is that food at this beginning stage is for exploration (i.e. mess!!!) not as sources of nutrition (perhaps except iron - but it depends.
We started with breakfast and lunch and later added an afternoon snack. Sometimes we omit a meal when really busy or DS naps late.

3) Should I start offering her water with her "meals"? I have bought her a straw cup.Do i offer her water in that or shd I help her drink from an open cup?

Yes you should offer her some water (whether she takes or not is another matter) whenever having solids to prevent constipation (but you may skip if time to breastfeeding is very near). Some people here taught their los to drink from a regular cup (wow!), some a straw cup, and others a sippy cup (e.g. me). DS just takes a few sips each time.

4) I know babies need to eat full fat stuff.What are the good fats that I can offer her? How much butter / ghee /cheese is okay to give on a toast?

healthy fats: olive oil, fish, avocado, nut butter (any allergy to peanut?), flax oil, etc.

Also don't forget saturated fats: yogurt, egg, butter, coconut oil, etc... Saturated fats are also good for babies (before 2 years)

According to Gill Rapley (the author of "BLW" (book)), everyday you can give a quarter of a baby-sized handful of healthy fats to a baby.

5) What type of cheese can I give her? We dont eat a lot of cheese so I have no idea about the types available .I sometimes make cheese/paneer at home using full fat milk.Could I give her that too?

Well, let other tell you because this is also my question (most cheese I can find contains a lot of sodium) (perhaps some brands of cream or cottage cheese are OK.)

6) Are eggs safe now?Can I give her an omelette?

The conservative guideline is that egg white after 12 months. Well it all depends on whether your lo is allergic to it. We gave the whole egg since the 9th month.

7) What type of rice would be good for her? I think I did read somewhere that brown short grain rice is better because it cooks softer. :?

The rice people in your country normally eat. You may fry or slightly overcook it to make it more easy to be grasped.

8) I understand that babies dont need a lot of fiber now.We are from India and I use whole wheat flour for making flatbreads( chapatis/rotis/parathas etc).Could I give her those flatbreads or do I make flatbreads using dough which has 50/50 whole wheat n refined flour?

Babies don't need too much insoluble fiber but still a lot of soluble fiber. So stay away from brans. Alternate between whole wheat bread and white bread or just don't use 100% whole wheat.

Re: Poo question!!

2009-01-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

As far as I know, seeing bits of foods you gave to your lo in his or her poo is quite normal. Hsr digestive system needs time to adjust to the foods especially those containing lots of insoluble fiber.

People always think purees are easily digested. How do they know? Can they identify undigested purees from the poos?

Re: Do you think that they can understand that we are ill?

2009-01-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

I am afraid DS can't. Whenever I say to him PaPa is tired and needs to sleep longer he will take away my blanket because he thinks I am playing inversed Peekaboo with him....

Re: How I do BLW breakfast

2009-01-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

I said I would report back if my "homemade baked beans" experiment is successful. OK, I have done it twice, and DS did pick up and eat a small portion each time because he didn't want to disappoint his PaPa who cooked badly.

I soaked a small cup of canelloni beans overnight, boiled them for 20 minutes and then put into a vaccum pot for 6 (or 8?) hours. The beans came out quite soft. For the sauce, I used chopped tomato, brown sugar, lemon juice, butter, vegetable stock, and a little water, and heated them until the sauce was quite concentrated. Then I stirred the sauce with the drained beans and heated everything again.

I am still experimenting different proportions of ingredients.

Next time I may try navy beans or soya beans instead, and may add onion, mustard and egg (and pork or bacon?).

(Warning: I've heard that anything acidic and salt [though I haven't used salt above] must never be added to the beans until the end for they will toughen the skins of beans and make them never get soft.)

Salt paranoia?

2009-01-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

Tell you something: I am paranoia with salt (Perhaps no one in this forum is as serious as me :wink: )

Symptoms:

Irrationality and delusion:

I always check the sodium content of a packaged food (e.g. cereal, crackers, spread) in supermarket if I want DS to eat this. This means if the sodium level exceeds 100mg per 100Kcal of energy, I will not buy it (the less the better - I got this guideline from the local consumer council; your may check if your government suggests another. Gill Rapley suggests an easier set in her book: high-salt: >= 600mg Na per 100g of food; low-salt: <120mg Na per 100g of food.)

Salt level is the primary reason I bought a bread machine to homemake bread.

And it's the reason why I am hesitated to buy cheese and hummus spread sold on the market.

I am concerned about salt because the sodium levels of most adult food are too unhealthy high, but perhaps we have been used to it. Eating out always means too much salt is consumed unwittingly (1 level teaspoon = ~ 2400mg of sodium = ~ suggested max daily intake for adults = 6 times baby (0-12m) max daily intake = 3 times toddler (1-3) max daily intake) I don't want from the very beginning to make DS develop a "heavy" taste which will affect him lifelong.

Treatment:

You know, such delusions will kill me! Here are the ways I save myself from developing further into schizophrenia:

1. When eating at home, I try to make the food salt-free or as low as possible (or add salt only after taking out the portions for DS) (you can use spices or herbs etc. to replace salt)

2. I try to limit the frequency of eating out (I know that it's inescapble, but if we mostly eat at home I will reassure myself it doesn't matter too much for occassional eating-outs (+pray!)

3. Even with 2, I usually bring my own food for DS when eating out: like an apple or rice cakes without added salt, so in case the food on the menu is really not acceptable (I have to trust my tongue), DS also has something to eat.

Results:

After BLWing for 5 months I guess I am more relaxed now - Not because I have relaxed my standards but because I think I am more experienced in (used to) to select "better" food for all of us (I have never brought a notepad though). So I hope your worry doesn't deter you from enjoying BLW.

Franklen's no cry nap solution for an intense baby

2009-01-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

Franklen's no cry nap solution for an intense baby (copyleft ) (based on the ideas from Pantley's NCSS and Sears's Nightime Parenting)

=======================================

0. When he (she) is tired (mine is every 2 hours if his last nap lasted only 1 hour or if it is the morning first nap) - watch closely for signs of tireness (e.g. red eyes, yawning, rubbing eyes, etc.)

1. Rock (or swing etc.) him until he is almost asleep;

2. During rocking, pat him and sing a lullaby (or say something soothing), repeatedly;

3. When he is almost asleep, put him on the desired place very slowly, during the process continue to pat him and sing the song;

4. If he wakes up when touching the bed, without picking him up, continue to pat him and sing the song, until he closes his eyes. Continue to pat and sing for a while. You may place your palm on his head or back (experiment with different positions) to provide extra security.

5. If he fusses too much in step 4 (which may make him unable to sleep altogether) (e.g. more than 30 seconds - you judge), you may pick him up and repeat step 1 - 4 one or two more times.

6. If you really can't put him down this time, try again next time, or the following day, or several days later when you are not tired.

My intention is to help him replace the previous rocking-sleep association (which is one and only one) with patting/lullaby-sleep associations (which is variable). If you succeed, when he wakes up during the deep sleep- REM sleep transitions (mine is the 30th-45th minutes interval), you may just pat him and/or sing the lullaby (but your action has to be quick and preventive) to make him go back to sleep again. Eventually you may not need to do this too. (I have arrived this in a month's time)

I had tried this successfully with my intense and sensitive DS (I wear him to naps since the 2nd month every day) and it worked brilliantly between month 5 - month 8, before he was painfully teething and started to develop separation anxiety in the 9th month (poor DS...).

Prior to the 5th month, I wore him continously for 1 hour for each nap but he always woke up when being put on the bed. I was so tired and this caused me to think about ways of change.

My current method is slightly different, still wearing him in a sling when nap routine (reading 1 book, singing 3 lullabies, and putting to sling) begins, but I only wear him for 200 more seconds after he has closed his eyes (I guess his sleeping pattern has become more mature however high-need and so he enters deep sleep more quickly) (usually I need to walk/swing 5-10 minutes to make him sleep), and he can enjoy a total 1-1.5 hours nap without waking up and without me doing anything. I am also able to nap with him again (I feel tears in my eyes when writing this) but stay wide apart on bed because we are easily mutually triggered.

Perhaps I should (if I can) help him "wean" from the sling very positively one day (because my back is sometimes painful - he is 22lbs [18lbs at the 4th month]), but he needs me at the moment so maybe months later.

Straw cup

2009-01-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

So good to know that some parents have successfully introduced a "normal" cup from start, wow! I wish I had done that.

Yesterday I successfully taught DS to use a straw cup - in 10 minutes. He loves it so much! But I am a bit worried he drinks too much too quick - reducing the appetite for breastmilk! ( I never worried this with the sippy cup)

Today, there comes another problem with the straw cup: Every time he sucked, he just sucked a lot of water in, and then splited it out without swallowing (with smiles!), wetting all his clothes (now it's cold winter). And he fought when I wanted to take the cup back.

Oh no! I wish I had never given him the cup!

Mei Tai

2009-01-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

It's very interesting to know how babies are crawling, walking or even climbing! Babies are all different (and I guess the timing of walking is partially related to the baby's temperament), whether they are early or late walkers soon they all will walk and run like a pro!

Most people in Hong Kong use strollers, though I see in recent years there is a slight increase of people wearing their babies (using packs or structured carriers). Personally I think managing a stroller in a highly densely populated small (and the world's most capitalist) city like HK is a torture. It's far less convenient esp when travelling with the stroller in transport.

But I guess in many lower-class families in HK, the stay-at-home parents (usually moms) still wear their los in Mei Tai (we pronounce "Meh Dai" - "Meh"=wear, "Dai"=belt) on their backs when doing household chores like cooking

In many Asian countries (I guess more usual in "less" "modernized" parts) a baby is constantly carried. I also know that in the Philippines many women also just carry their children on their hips. In Indonesia, babies are often carried in a fabric - it's tied and used skillfully like a sling but without a ring (magic!). The sling or the wrap, etc. has a history maybe as ancient as human's.

(I usually see foreigers in Hong Kong pushing their babies in strollers - I don't know why, but the brands of the strollers are always the same - Maclaren - which local people seldom use - is it that good?)

The traditional Chinese Meh Dai requires the baby to sit in a frog-leg position, straddling the tummy or the back of his/her parent. This is believed to provide adequate spine and hip support (I think that the crotch piece of most structured carriers sold on the market is too narrow , the weight of the small baby is being put on his/her spine too early [in addition, the legs just dangle - will the hip joints be stretched too much?]). When I was very young, many children (and their parents, grandparents, ... ) here were still carrried in this way. However, when I first wore DS and went out, one of the questions asked by today local stroller-users was "will you make your baby's legs malformed?" I forget how I responded.

(Joy) DS starts to walk....We are so proud!

2009-01-13T12:54:00.000-08:00

DW and I have never used a baby-walker and only used the stroller twice (despite having been repeatedly urged by MIL). And we (usually I) wear DS for hours everyday. But now he (at the 10th month) can already walk unaided! We are so proud of him :D because DS shows that babywearing will not hinder a baby's motor development.

Re: Meat (& dairy) and BLW?

2009-01-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Chicken was one of DS's first foods and now his favourite. We always steam-boil it until it's soft.

We usually offer chicken breasts (methods below) but I know many people give their los a leg bone because the meat there is less easy to fall off as tiny bits. But remember to remove any soft, splint or thin bones first.

We have tried the following methods

1. As meatballs (e.g. + potato, spinach, tofu, vegetable broth)

2. As bits (spread in congee (or porridge), macaroni, etc... [in preloaded spoons])

3. As strips (for being held by the fist)

4. As bite size pieces (only when the pincer grasp has appeared)

We have only offered beef and pork in method 4, after we are quite confident that DS can handle it.

DW has no history of allergies to dairy foods (but her brother does), but I am rather lactose intolerant in recent years. We have given DS butter (first in homemaking bread and then spread on bread and potato), and whole-fat yogurt (dipped by fruit sticks) at the 10th month. We haven't given cheese yet primary because most cheese we can find here contains a lot of sodium [>300mg per 100g food]. We will not give cow milk before 1 year. (Actually diary foods are not parts of our usual diets to obtain calcium and protein, so I'd like cow milk be avoided altogether as much as we can).

The culture in yogurt has modified cow milk and made it less allergenic, so I think that's why it is more acceptable than cow's milk.

Sippy cup

2009-01-11T12:55:00.000-08:00

I had taught DS to use a sippy cup since the 4th month, but he really could master it in the 6~7th months.

The sippy cup he uses (and loves) is valve-free, hard sprout, with handles, and transparent. At that time I hadn't bought a soft sprout one to avoid possible nipple confusion (well perhaps I was too worried).

When DS did not tip the bottom up, I raised it a bit for him, so that he knew what he should have done to get the water down. Now he uses it like a pro!

And yes, we always offer the sippy cup whenever with solids to avoid constipation. But he never drinks (needs) more than 0.5 ounce each time (he is still breastfed frequently so no problem) .

Constipation

2009-01-11T12:47:00.000-08:00

Babies' intestines may need time to adjust to solids. I know it's so sad that they (and you parents) can't sleep well because of this. Stop the food you think may contribute to their constipation for a while.

When we first started BLW, we only gave banana after DS had just pooed! But the rice cake (which causes constipation to many babies) is always his favourite and is friendly to his guts. I guess babies are all different.

Have you tried prune juice (1:3)? If it doesn't work, a very good nutritious natural laxative is flax oil. One teaspoon (spread in porridge or others) can make DS who usually poos every 10 days (but he is not constipated) pooled in 24 hrs.

We limit water to a sippy cup because DS is still breastfed quite frequently. We don't want "plenty of water" to decrease his appetite for bm.

The food we offer to him also includes some fiber (e.g. broccoli, whole grain cereal, fruits with skin) (but limit fiber for younger babies). We also give him "p" fruits regularly.

Re: frequent nightwakings

2009-01-09T13:30:00.000-08:00

I slept very poorly last night. And many many nights before too. DS again wakes up every 30 minute to 1 hour every night recently. Last night (i.e. in the early morning) I just left the bedroom and did some computer work (and left a thread here) and rested on the sofa, and let DW alone sleep with him on the family bed but stay wider apart. Now at this moment (local time 10:15 am) he has been napping for an hour on the same bed (but had I napped with him he might have already waken up in the 30th minute deep sleep--REM sleep transition screaming). You know how exhausted I am. This situation has been persisting nearly 11 months and my study is being adversely interrupted. CIO-minded people may think that as a "DH" I am totally "qualified" to propose the harsh solution, but I won't, and having understood deeply the temperament of my lo (and having known the experience of others) I am quite certain that CIO won't work for high need babies except threatening the trust we have developed.

Having said this, NCSS [No-cry sleep solution] is still our goal, albeit not at this moment, when issues like teething and nose congestion are still abound. We did have occassional small "victories" in the past (DS slept a 2~3 hours stretch).

You may postpone your sleeping plan for your lo until she has recovered from the illness. Tense babies can't sleep. I guess for some high need over-sensitive babies like DS [probably your lo too] the core problem is the proximity (i.e. sleeping distance) between the parents and the baby - too far away s/he will have nighttime separation anxiety, too close s/he will be easily triggered (assume that s/he is not ill). We may have to experiment with alternative sleeping arrangments (when all other physical/environmental/medical/... causes of nightwaking are cleared or at least controlled), but definitely CIO is not in our dictionary.

I hope this helps! Oh, DS is waking up! Sorry I haven't spellchecked!

A final note: From my experience I think that it is very difficult to attribute sudden frequent nightwaking to solely one cause (sometimes this could be highly misleading thinking leading to a bad conclusion). Your DD's problem may be as much medical as psychological. Just my little reminder.

Re: TV trouble

2009-01-09T13:29:00.000-08:00

We don't let DS watch TV at all (even when we are visiting our relatives). We just turn it off except when he is sleeping. Well, I admit that TV is a convenient tool because whenever it's on, DS just stares at it.

The Academy of American Pediatrics once advised that no child under age two should watch television at all, for its alleged link to ADHD in later life (due to the nature of TV - rapidly changing images). I guess the effects of TV on children will be debated forever, but since DS is already a high-need very distractible and energetic baby, so we adopt the precautionary principle.

At least two of my friends/relatives do think that TV is the "only" way to make their "hyperactive" (their term) toddlers sit still for a while, so that the parents can "take a breath" (they have let their children watch TV since very young babies). I don't know whether the chicken or the egg came first.

Re: Restless sleep at 1 year....

2009-01-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

Sudden frequent night wakings of a former good sleeper is very likely due to physical or medical causes. Besides teething and developmental milestones, it could be due to some hidden infection (e.g. of the ears) or allergic reactions (to food etc.). I suggest parents to consult a doctor if the situation persists for more days....

Re: veg then fruit?

2009-01-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

I second the saying that breastmilk is so sweet it doesn't really matter whether vegetables come before fruits when introducing solids in babies. In addition, breastfed babies have already experienced different tastes from hsr mother's breastmilk. They are more likely to enjoy the different tastes of solids and be less picky.

Fruits were DS's first foods, but he still loves food with very mild taste (e.g. plain rice).

"Breadfeeding"

2009-01-08T12:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you believe it or not, but it's very true that recently whenever I want to type the word "breastfeeding" in international forums, I will type it breadfeeding instead first. I am often laughed by others as a result.... Poor English from a non-English writer....

I guess I am being poisoned by blw and breadmaking....

So, please forgive me in advance!!! :)

(OK, I am not alone, there are 432 entries if you google the word.)

What is Continuum Fathering?

2009-01-08T11:59:00.000-08:00

:oops: Actually I created this name for myself (you can't google it :wink: ).

I try to integrate the principles described in the book continuum concept into my (as a father) style of parenting:

http://www.continuum-concept.org/

I try to involve myself as much as possible in (supporting) breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and being responsive to my babies' needs with respect, and I see children as inherently cooperative and social and capable of living in harmony with Nature, etc.

People may call this "attachment parenting" (some may even consider it a fad), but actually these principles have been practised by many traditional cultures for centuries, and so are not a modern ("Western") invention as is often assumed.

I am still learning what I want myself to be, so I'd better stop here :oops:

Re: is it too late for a sling with a toddler? (what to do when cooking?!)

2009-01-06T13:06:00.000-08:00

My initial response was a Mei-tai-like soft carrier, but after rethinking I'd suggest a ring sling (hip carry), because it allows your toddler to observe in a close distance without feeling too confined.

Personally I use a sling for DS's naps and household chores like vaccum cleaning, and a mei tai usually for outings and anything I don't want DS to reach.

Here are some good photos on the common problems of using a sling. I choose them because they were taken of a father and a son!

http://www.thebabywearer.com/index.php? ... ngproblems

By hip carrying I mean your son's legs will straddle one side of your hip.

I agree that cooking and wearing a toddler can be dangerous esp you are dealing with hot oil etc. When the work involved is not that dangerous, you can improve the safety more by shifting him backward so that he is behind you. But you still have to be careful: he may grab a sword without you knowing it!

A final note: your body may take some time to (suddenly) adjust to the weight of your son , and you may feel rather hard initially (OK if you just wear him for a while). Remember to spread the fabric on your back evenly so that the weight is not just distributed on the shoulder. I hope this helps.

How I do BLW breakfast

2009-01-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

I know the stress of beginners when planning breakfast because I also struggled a lot with it when I first started BLW. I am extremely poor at cooking and don't know why others (usually the respectable moms) have achieved this brilliantly, but finally I come up with the following base formula: Fresh fruit + Carbohydrate

A fresh fruit in the morning is very refreshing esp in warm seasons. It also provides vitamin C (to aid iron absorption and other benefits) and fibre to prevent constipation. Basically it can be a "p" fruit, a soft apple, a melon, a banana (well banana is itself a good energy source and sometimes enough for the whole breakfast!!!) or any other fruits (be careful of small round ones such as grapes - cut into halves). I usually offer it in sticks, wedges or whole (in the case of apples).

DS also likes fruit sticks dipped in whole-fat yoghurt (babies need whole-fat versions, but too fatty for me).

Carbohydrates provide stable energy to start the day and is esp. indispensible in cool seasons. The choices are also numerous (we've tried and rotated all the following many times):

e.g.

1.dry cereal or cereal with milk (I use oat milk or soymilk instead of cow milk) (e.g. Wxxxxbix, Shxxxded Wheat)

2. congee (or your porridge), macaroni, etc. I usually spread some chicken/fish bits (if there is stored cooked food in the refrigerator), cooked peas, chopped greens or tomato into them, and may add a teaspoon of olive oil (you may use flax oil instead - very nutritious and effective laxative) to increase the good fats. I may also add tofu or a small amount (because too sweet) of soaked dried fruits.

3. bread spread with butter or nut butter or avocado. I use a bread machine to make rye or wholegrain (but not 100% wholegrain because not suitable for babies yet) bread and set the timer pointer to the morning. Homemaking enables me to monitor the salt level (and is preservative-free!) (pure white bread is "frightening" for new parents as it becomes sticky in the mouth when mixed with saliva, unless toasted]

4. cake. I also use the bread machine to make cake (in holidays...), but considerably reduce the sugar and replace the cow milk with oat milk.

5. rice cakes (+ nut butter or fruit puree or anything runny). Rice cake is our life savior!

6. baked or steam-boiled potato or sweet potato (+butter, etc.) (I haven't added cheese yet because most cheese I can find is salty)

7. whole wheat biscuits or oat biscuits/crackers (but be careful of salt and sugar level) (+ fruit puree, etc.)

The base formula above is composed of two parts, so if lo doesn't like one part I don't have to rush to the kitchen! (note that other nutrients such as proteins, fats and calcium are usually added on that too.)

For drinks, I just give water in a sippy cup. I also offer prune juice (1:3) when DS hasn't pooed for a week!

You may also try scrambled eggs or pancakes. I am now experimenting with homemade baked beans and may let you know the result (if succeed)!

I am sure other people will provide much more better solutions than mine (you know, many of them are good cook indeed). Anyway, I hope the above can aid the beginners stresslessly planning their first BLW breakfasts (actually as you have seen not much planning is required). Your comments are most welcome!

Tips:

1. remember, relax and eat TOGETHER with your lo! A good breakfast will enable YOU to have an adequate blood sugar level to look after your baby!

2. After breakfast perhaps your lo is in a good mood for you to brush his/her teeth (and vice versa :D )

Apples

2009-01-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

DS loves apples so much - now he nearly eats one everyday. We often put an apple into our bag when going out and it is our life-savior! His eyes will shine on it whenever we bring it out!

(We also bite a piece off before giving it to DS, so that he gets to the flesh immediately.)

Re: Meat & fish

2009-01-03T12:41:00.000-08:00

My point is because we are backed up by breastmilk, we should not worry too much about nutrients, and can very gradually build up a good foundation of eating solids with a view to the day lo is completely weaned...(though bearing in mind that babies seem to know which food they need).

As far as I know, "red meat", chicken, fish, eggs or soy beans (e.g. tofu) provide all essential amino acids. A large variety of vegetables, beans, nuts and grains do combine to form a complete provision.

Prior to 1970s most people in my city relied on soy beans and tofu, greens and brown rice etc. to provide most of the essential nutrients including protein and calcium. Meat was consumed in large amounts only during festivals, and dairy products were considered very "luxury" and "Western" food.

Re: Help! I have turned into a fundamentalist!

2009-01-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

Today, we were at the park and DS fed himself first a sweet potato and second an apple in front of two pairs of parents at different moments. Both of them felt very surprised and a little bit embarassed as their babies (both double the age of DS) are still spoonfed. I think we've taught them a lesson.

I feel sorry for their babies (and their parents too). But if I hadn't read Gill Rapley's 2006 article perhaps as new parents our way of introducing solids would have been similar to theirs and to those of the generations of "mainstream public", and would have reproduced many eating problems too.

After all, this "mainstream" way of feeding babies is being actively promoted by numerous books, companies and "professionals" EVERYDAY (nowadays I often bracket the word "professional" because you know) and is a billion-dollars business (i.e. "baby food")!

So I think we are lucky indeed.

Suggested ways to eat out in a Chinese restaurant

2009-01-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

FYI:
Peanut oil is not allergenic to peanut-sensitive individuals.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7299001

Randomised, double blind, crossover challenge study of allergenicity of peanut oils in subjects allergic to peanuts
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/314/7087/1084

I guess it is because the allergen is always a protein but peanut oil is a fat. Peanut oil as used in catering should not cause an allergic reaction unless it is crude or cold-pressed which retains many more proteins.
(but read the related articles in the above page too, as the study is a bit old now)

If you really want your DD [or DS] to try some Chinese dishes and you are worried;

- ask for some dishes that do not involve much sauce; esp. fermented red beancurd 南乳, tomato sauce 蕃茄醬, Chinese cheese or soybean cheese 腐乳, oyster sauce 蠔油, soy sauce 豉油, etc. as they contain lots of salt. Alternatively, ask them to put the sauce on a separate plate (汁另上).
- do not ask for dishes that involve stir-frying (炒) and esp. deep-frying (炸), as they involve more oil; (but stir-frying greens is tasty isn't it :-) ?)
- ask the cook to add less salt, "少鹽", no msg, "走味精".
- rinse the food you are going to offer to your DD [or DS] with a bowl of hot water first. This removes some of the salt, "msg" and oil (hopefully :wink: ).

I usually bring my own food (e.g. broccoli, baby corm, baby carrot, fruits, rice cakes, etc.) with me if taking DS to a Chinese restaurant, but you may let your DD [or DS] taste some white rice, steamed beancurd ("tofu" but not deep-fried beancurd), steamed mixed vegetables/ stir-fried mixed vegetables with less oil no salt thank you (炒雜菜少油走鹽謝謝), steamed fish and steamed chicken there. Steamed 蒸 food (with less or no sauce and salt) is usually quite eatable.

I hope this reply also helps others enjoy Chinese food and deserves more attention.

(If you cannot read the Chinese characters above, change your browser decoding setting to UTF-8)

tip: the highchairs provided in local Chinese restaurants in my city always do not contain safety seat belts - I don't know why. I always bring a luggage belt with us and tie DS on the highchair ;-).

Re: Facebook and breast feeding photos

2009-01-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

What a shame. Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

Will they also ban bottlefeeding photos? Why not?

Iron

2009-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

If you doubt whether your older baby gets enough iron from breastmilk alone, I think your question was reasonable, as the strongest "official" rationale for introducing solids after 6 months is the alleged "inadequate iron" in breastmilk at some point after six months (this is difficult to refute), and meat and fish is one of the easiest ways for babies to increase their iron intake (chicken and fish is the third group of first foods recommended by LLL:

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/firstfoods.html

). However if your baby thrives as you mentioned you should not be too concerned.

I give DS strips or bits of chicken and fish in several ways: preloaded chopsticks (mentioned in previous posts) or preloaded spoons; or spread in congee (or your porridge) and macaroni; or just let DS grasp the strips (recently). If I knew how to make pizzas I would definitely spread into them too. I never consider myself doing any "trick" because this is also the usual way I eat meat and fish. By the way, DS loves chicken and fish! (But I always tell him "this is fish congee", "this is chicken macaroni")

Besides meat and fish, you may also try egg yolk. It is also an excellent source of iron (and other nutrients). Of course some vegetables, beans, dried fruits and algae are good sources of iron too (when eating together with Vitamin C [i.e. fresh fruits and steamed vegetables]).

p.s. DS is still breastfed 6~7 times a day + 2 or 3 "meals".

How we started baby-led weaning

2008-12-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

After wasting an whole month (the sixth) persuading DS to be spoon-fed puree, we offered him finger foods instead from the seventh month on, and since then have never looked back. Now DS basically eats 2 meals (breakfast, lunch) and 1 snack (late afternoon) together with one or both of us everyday.

What? We started with sweet potato, broccoli, potato, banana, avocado. But during 4 months of practice, we have already offered DS virtually everything: (except potential allergens, and we monitor the sugar and salt level very carefully): greens, apple, "p" fruits, chicken, fish, dry cereal, ricecake, rice, (homemade) bread, tofu, all kinds of melons, egg yolk, macaroni, spaghetti, baby corn, baby carrots,..., etc. We make sure that we offer DS a great variety of food which together provide balanced nutrients like carbohydrates, proteins, good fats, (soluble) fibre, and vitamin C (from fruits and vegetables) and minerals like iron (from fish, chicken and egg yolk in our case).

(DS is still being breastfed 6~7 times per day - so actually we are not worried about nutrients - we just want to build a good foundation before DS is older.)

How much? To prevent premature weaning from breastmilk we only offer solid after DS is nursed (we try to wait 20 minutes to prevent interference with iron absorption, but somtimes we can't). When DS is full he will let us know he's enough. Actually he does not eat much solid (but sometimes he surprises us a lot!), maybe just several bites (or occassionally none) of every type of food we offer: we know that at this stage our aim is to let DS explore the world of food and develop his mouth and hand skills, not to concern with the amount of food he actually swallows.

What size to prevent choking? To the contrary, we think bite-sizes are not safe for the beginner solid eater - we are worried a bite size piece can go through the mouth too quickly. At first we always give DS a food piece cut in chip, stick or finger size that he can hold it with his little fist. Then he can suck the portion going out of his fist.

To ensure safety, we always make sure that DS sits upright, and resist the temptation to put food directly into DS mouth. Even when we must use a preloaded spoon (e.g. with very runny food like porridge), we let DS grasp and put it into his mouth himself (while we hold the spoon handle in position) - we hope to give the control back to DS to feed himself.

At the beginning we only offered food pieces after we had tested: those we ourselves can eat by mashing in our mouths with our tongues (without using our teeth), to make sure that the texture is soft enough for DS to chew and swallow. We concern this much less now, not only because DS has learnt how to use his teeth to gnaw (e.g. as in the everyday apple - his top favourite), but also his gums have become very strong.

DS has never choked but still occassionally gags (though it becomes much less frequent now), because sometimes he doens't know how to "process" the texture of the food (esp. fruit skins), and we know the gagging protects him from choking, so we are not worried (actually DW is more scare and sometimes needs my resurrance ;-P). I remember the first time when DS ate plum, he gagged a lot and spitted the flesh out with a lot of saliva (I don't know where the huge amount came from)! But after one month of "practice" the plum was already one of his favourites. So, gagging is a valuable lesson for DS to learn eating food safely.

If you are really fearful of choking, I suggest you to have some knowledge of baby first-aid, then you will be less frightened and more relaxed (you should know the difference between real choking and mere gagging). But anyway if you observe the principles of baby led weaning stated above (e.g. baby sitting upright, never put food directly into baby's mouth, avoid hard round small food like peanuts, grapes, etc.) this should be very safe. No need to be panic.

Re: pincer grasp?

2008-12-30T13:19:00.000-08:00

The term "pincer grasp" appears in the "nine to twelve months" section of Sears's babybook, so no worry if your lo is just eight months old and hasn't developed it yet.

Having mentioned that, you may try peg puzzles. I mean those lovely wooden puzzles of which each piece has a hardwood peg installed in the center for easy pick-up (they are often marked "for age 2+"). DS loves picking them up with his developing fingers.

"Baby-led Toothbrushing"

2008-12-26T12:35:00.000-08:00

I have started cleaning DS's gums with a gauze-wrapped finger since his sixth month, and everything was fine. Later, when his first tooth appeared in the 7th month, I changed to a finger brush, and was still OK...until last week. Suddenly, DS didnt want us to brush his teeth. Toothbrushing became a battle...(changing his diapers is already a war - just like everything else done TO him)

...until I bought him his own tooth brush (He always excitedly looks at us when we are brushing our teeth in the morning). When he is happily "brushing" his teeth and opening his mouth, I quickly insert my finger/another brush to complete the cleaning.

DS now has six teeth. Every teething is a torture to us three (we cosleep)...as the pain or itch would wake this ultra sensitive baby up every 30 minutes. This means a dozen awakenings at nighttime. Poor DS....

Re: Unable to get DD to eat green veggie

2008-12-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

We have never tried veg purees but have successfully offered greens in the following ways:as finger foods (e.g. brocolli, cauliflower - DS's favourite food) or chopped in small pieces and spread in porridge (spinach and other greens). You may also try stirring greens into pasta or mashed potato, or spread the puree on ricecakes.

Re: Preservatives in bread

2008-12-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

Reporting back our progress....

Finally we decided to buy a bread machine. So, we can skip cow milk powder (we use oat milk powder instead) and of course there is no more preservative problem and we can monitor the salt level too.

Initially I was hesitated of this step because I had had no knowledge of bread making (I am only good at dishwashing), but ...

On that day ... at 8:00 am we brougt DS to the kitchen, and let him watch how we shaked the loaf of wholegrain rye bread out of the machine and sliced it. Then we offered him a little bread to see his reaction ... his first bread in his life ... his eyes were shining! We immediately put him in the highchair and ate together!

We have made our breads three times since then, and served them as breakfast. DS loved our breads so much that he kept on asking more of them, whether it's with butter, nut butter or just plain!

Nothing comparable to the joy of watching a baby eating and loving good food, esp when the food is home-made.

Preservatives in bread

2008-12-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

Tried to introduce bread to DS, only to find that the bread sold in local supermarkets or chain bread shops all contains preservatives (as shown in the packages) and many many other additives. This is legal in our city, but does not mean this is healthy.

I have read that food additives (in particular preservatives) can make your children more susceptible to ADHD...perhaps DS has already received many chemicals from breastmilk (of course the benefits of breastfeeding are indisputable) because we eat those bread everyday...we don't want to think more about that.

Feel very frustrated....

So parents, do you make your own bread, or you rely on some reputable local shops?

Re: Is there such a thing as too soft?

2008-12-02T12:32:00.000-08:00

Steamed broccoli and baby sweet potatos were DS's first food and are still his favourites. I always steam boil them for 10 minutes to make them soft enough for DS to eat (but not too soft so that he breaks it before putting into his mouth). DS never eats the stalk of broccoli....he always spits it out after eating all the flowers because it is not soft enough.

If you are still worried...this WAS my rule of thumb when I first started BLW (actually someone in this forum has mentioned this before) if you can use your tongue to mash the food (you are going to offer to your baby) in your mouth (without using your teeth), then the texture of the food is probably safe for your baby too.

Don't panic - your lo may sense your feeling and become nervous too. You may search previous posts (and refer to the blog too) to know more about the differences between gagging and choking. Even your lo can't "process" a piece of food, she may just gag and spit it out. Real choking is very rare if you follow the golden rules of BLW - e.g. sitting upright, don't force food into your lo's mouth, avoid hard round food like nuts and grapes, etc.

Peel Fascination

2008-12-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

Recently DS is fascinated by the skins of fruits and eats them too (even he gags on the skins most of the time). I am also worried about that.

Nowadays, I always wash fruits with Environne and then rub them against a brush under running water before offering them to DS, hoping that this can remove the surface pesticide, but I don't know how much it remains inside the skin.

Peeling the skin can eliminate the risk (also suggested by our government's centre for food safety), however this also means much of the fiber is gone.

Buying organic fruits may be the way out, but they are very very expensive here. Sigh.

Homemaking bread

2008-11-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

We tried to introduce bread to YS, only to find that the bread sold in local supermarkets or chain bread shops all contains preservatives (as shown in the packages) and many many other additives.

Neither do we know any reliable local shops.

Food additives (in particular preservatives) can make children more susceptible to ADHD....Ascorbic acid (E300) as antioxidant and preservative may be OK, but not things like E927(a) (Azodicarbonamide), E282 (Calcium propionate), etc..

Finally we have decided to buy a bread machine. So, we can skip cow milk powder (allergen) (we use oat milk powder instead) and of course there is no more preservative problem and we can monitor the salt level too.

On that day ... at 8:00 am we brougt YS to the kitchen, and let him watch how we shaked the loaf of wholegrain rye bread out and sliced it. Then we offered him a little bread to see his reaction ... his first bread in his life ... his eyes were shining! We immediately put him in the highchair and ate together!

We have made our breads several times since then, and served them as breakfast. YS loved our breads so much that he kept on asking more of them, whether it's with butter, nut butter or just plain!

Nothing comparable to the joy of watching a baby eating and loving good food, esp when the food is home-made.

Re: Helping baby adjust to Mei tei wrap

2008-11-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

Just like using the sling, I've found that my action has to be quick when using a mei tai, before DS becomes impatient.

I have used the sling since the 2nd month, and the MT since the 4th month. I am still using both.

To the contrary, DS likes the MT quite tight (snug fit). If it is too loose (e.g. so low that his bottom is below my tummy) he will fuss. Tightness seems to give him security. If it is too tight DS will let me know, so I am not afraid if I have squished him.

My trick: when DS starts to fuss, I make a few bounces and cheer him up. It usually works.

Re: Self feeding with drinking water?

2008-11-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

We have given DS a sippy cup (with a hard spout, no valve, 2 ears) since the 4th month, because he resisted the bottle and DW was going back to work. He (tomorrow 9m) uses it very well since 6~7m (unaided)! I give him the cup after every meal or snack of solids to help clean the teeth and prevent constipation. He loves drinking just plain water (in fact, this is often a good way to prevent him from getting bored when sitting at the table)!

I think practice can make perfect.